Ask the Pope

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Project Runway

I typically don’t like reality shows, but I’m severely addicted to watching Project Runway. It’s my little escape.

When you’re trying to solve world hunger all day, you need to take a break sometimes and look at what’s happening in the fashion industry. It’s my natural anti-depressant.

Anyway, I missed the show yesterday due to a late night mass.

I wasn’t too worried about finding out what happened because I have TIVO.

Well, my assistant just spoiled the ending by telling me who got kicked off. He just came into my office ranting about last night’s results. I didn’t even have a chance to stop him.

I’m pretty upset right now.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Waiting for Gouda

There’s nothing more upsetting than opening up a good bottle of merlot and realizing you don’t have any good cheese to enjoy it with.

I had a bit of brie in my fridge, but I was really in the mood for some smoked gouda.

I thought, by chance, my servant might have accidentally put the gouda in my fruit bin by accident, so I got on my knees and shuffled through the bottom of my fridge. I searched all over the place, but couldn’t find anything acceptable.

It was during that mad moment of searching for smoked gouda when I realized what people addicted to drugs must feel like. You not only want the drug (or gouda), but you’ll do anything to get it.

I said a short prayer to quell my hungry mind, and decided the humble route would be to just eat the brie.

Such is the life of the humble.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Divinely Handsome

I really don’t like biased journalism. It gets me very upset whenever I read news that is slanted toward a certain opinion, instead of just reporting the facts.

I read an article today entitled “God’s gift to women.” And I have to say that I started to blush because I thought the article was either about me or Brad Pitt.

Anyway, the article isn’t about us—it’s instead about my personal assistant, Georg. The article says “he has been compared to George Clooney and Hugh Grant.” And it even refers to him as being “divinely handsome.”

I’m sorry, but how come nobody interviewed me for this article? He’s not all that handsome. I’ve seen him in the spa with just a towel on--and trust me--he’s just a 7 out of 10.

Okay, maybe an 8.

But divinely handsome? Please.

Where have you been?

So I’m at a breakfast today, and Georg tells me that I ought to explain why I haven’t been blogging. He says my readers will get upset if I don’t tell them what I’ve been up to.

And he tells me this right after I put a forkful of eggs in my mouth. And no, it wasn’t eggs benedict.

So I’m sitting there chewing, wishing I could respond immediately, but I have to wait and swallow first. So after a couple seconds, I tell him:

“Look, I’ve been trying to save the world from poverty for the last few months. Oh, and I’m also trying to stop a little holy war from happening. Yeah, just trying to stop wars and ease the suffering of people around the world. I wonder if my readers will be satisfied with that answer.

He then says that I shouldn’t get so upset about it. He was just trying to offer a suggestion.

I said, “How about this for a suggestion, instead of playing tennis in your Nike shorts all day, why don’t you pass me the butter. My toast is getting cold now.”