Tuesday, February 14, 2006

St. Valentine

St. Valentine
Originally uploaded by Joseph Ratzinger.
People ask me if I get depressed on Valentine’s Day. They think that just because I don’t have a wife that I must be depressed.

Well, being single doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t need a woman to make me feel loved. I’m loved all over the world.

I’ve thought about getting married in the past, but now I shudder at the thought. I can’t deal with a nagging wife.

Imagine that I have to go to Africa to perform a miracle and save someone from death. But then my wife gets upset that I’m leaving on a business trip again.

Do you think I’m going to let someone die because my wife wants me at home?

I don’t think so. I’d probably end up slamming the front door and telling her that we’ll talk about it when I get home.

This, no doubt, will get her upset and she’ll make some sly comment about how everyone thinks that I’m so holy, but I’m really an unloving husband.

That type of comment will get me really upset.

At that point, I’ll probably tell her that if she says a word of this to anyone I’ll excommunicate her and make sure she stays in purgatory for a very long time.

And that’s not a kind of home life I want. I prefer living the life of a bachelor.


Blogger Rob Seifert said...

Tell yourself whatever you need to, your holiness. Happy V-Day!


2/14/2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Yup, marriage can be a challenge. But aren't you married to God as a priest? That would be a demanding marriage, I would bet.

2/14/2006 4:16 PM  
Anonymous sinner said...

If that's the kind of marriage you had there would be no need to send her to purgatory, it would already be purgatory in your house.

2/15/2006 1:40 AM  
Blogger Jemima said...

Indeed being single (or married to the Lord) is preferable to the inevitable disappointment of being with someone whose idea of romantic will only ever be a disappointment.

How does one become pope?

2/15/2006 12:32 PM  
Blogger JBlue said...

Sounds like somebody has a secret wife hidden away somewhere....?

2/15/2006 11:31 PM  
Anonymous red headed gal said...

I hope you're not married to God, your Popedom. It's only legal in MA.

2/17/2006 2:15 AM  
Anonymous red headed gal said...

Oh I forgot, and then not for Catholics!!!

2/17/2006 2:15 AM  
Blogger Trudging said...

It is good to look at the glass being half full.

2/17/2006 8:58 PM  
Blogger Fishn_Boy said...

Wait a minute. If you're the Holy Father and we're all your children but you're not married, then that means we're all b***ards!.

2/17/2006 11:28 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

No kidding! I mean Valentine himself wasn't some working stiff with a wife and kids - he was a Saint!

And come to think of it, he's 'your saint' - you're the spiritual boss of all of them.

2/18/2006 8:39 AM  
Blogger Betsy McKenzie said...

You got that right, your Holiness. Marriage can be a drag, and you might as well score the holiness points for being celibate and being Pope if you're just going to have that sort of a marriage.

2/19/2006 12:41 AM  
Blogger Preston said...

The Pope, huh? Pfft.

I know you're a fake. Even so, I know the REAL Pope is a fake. Who does he think he is, leading all these people around like he's a god or something?

This is why I'm an Atheist, man. NO GOD for me, and that's what you people should do too!

2/21/2006 6:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

preaton are you mad? :)

love is lovely!

2/21/2006 12:08 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Is St. Valentine flicking a booger at us in his picture? It looks like he might be. Some loving guy he's turned out to be!

2/21/2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger BMD said...

Number one, in response to another comment, the real Pope is not fake, and I find the remark offensive. Furthermore, I find your blog itself offensive, and I ask you, I plead with you, I appeal to the sense of respect for the beliefs of others that I hope that you have......PLEASE DESIST. YOUR BLOG IS DESPICCABLE AND OFFENSIVE. IT TRIVIALIZES A FAITH HELD BY MILLIONS WORLDWIDE. One of the worst problems in the world today is closed-mindedness and egocentricity (or ethnocentricity, or whatever you like to call it) as seen here in your blog. Your lack of willingness to consider the feelings of others is appalling.

2/23/2006 7:34 AM  
Blogger kristybruce said...

Or, alternately...

It's funny, and even people who are deeply religious can find elements of humour in their faith.

Otherwise, all you have left is wrath.

2/24/2006 6:22 AM  
Anonymous NewYorker said...

This blog is not funny. Humor is a wonderful thing, but mocking things that many people believe to be solemn and important is disgusting. It's worse that this despiccable person does this under the pretense that he or she is the Pope. But the worst thing about this blog? It's belittling. Belittling to an important man and to many, many people all over the planet.

2/25/2006 8:58 AM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

After reading these comments, I can only come to the conclusion that Preston,Bnrd and New Yorker need to get a life and stop with the pious negativity. It's a blog, it's humor, it's life, guys. What are they Arabs over reacting to a Political cartoon? You don't like it, use the mouse and exit - why bother to read it and then blather about it.

2/25/2006 10:30 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Amen Kristy & Hale!

As a practicing Catholic, I enjoy this blog very much :) I just wish he posted more often!

2/27/2006 3:46 PM  
Blogger El Chumo said...

Chingas a tu madre pendejo....

We love you !!!
We need You !!!
We repect You !!!
Please post more frecuently... we need your holy advise.....

Bless you

2/28/2006 5:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you don't post on Ash Wednesday you are officially no longer my pope.

3/02/2006 3:36 AM  
Blogger karebu said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3/04/2006 5:15 AM  
Blogger Preston said...


My blog is better than this one, anyway.

Ratzinger, you need to update, man!


3/06/2006 4:03 AM  
Blogger Netzgarten said...

Ein herrlicher Blog!
Wenn ich einmal etwas deprimiert bin, dann lese ich hier ein paar Zeilen . . . und meine trübe Stimmung ist wie weggeblasen!


3/07/2006 12:18 PM  
Blogger Blue Gal said...

dependable renegade is guessing what's on your ipod. Please advise us:


3/09/2006 3:44 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Green said...

Where are you, Your Holiness? I am missing my spirtual adviser. Hope you're back soon.

3/09/2006 5:04 PM  
Blogger Betsy McKenzie said...

Please come back, your holiness! I am a Catholic, and think your blog is fun, and not at all disrespectful. It is thought-provoking and very worth-while. We miss you! Don't let jerks on either side drive you away!

3/11/2006 7:24 PM  
Blogger bohemiantroubadour said...

Your sense of humor is weak. Your blog is not funny, and who gives a darn about the catholic church. Your followers are Idiots and NAMBLA members.

3/12/2006 7:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day...give a pope an iPod and he dissapears for weeks.

Come back!

What's wrong with a little humor in the faith? I am a faithful Catholic, I attend Mass everyweek, everyday when I get the chance. I like this blog because it's funny.

3/13/2006 12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a follower of Islam, I am happy the Pope is not keeping his normal communication with his christian followers... My nickname is Ahara-dan based on the name of an unspeakable actor. Yes, d you are him.
I assure all of you , you are not missing anything and come what may, my faith is going to crush all who think homosexualism is ok. Long live the martirs of allah and the fellahims. And for all of you who like to draw cartoons, may allah break your thums...

3/14/2006 10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

re: BMD & New Yorker, I happen to find the REAL Pope belittling! He belittles gays, women and poor people round the world. Denying poor people contraception and protection from veneral disease is not only despicable, it's downright negligent in today's world. The Pope should be put on trial for crimes against humanity.

3/16/2006 11:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bmd, I agree with you. Si lent

3/30/2006 7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Good morning" cussing all the way. Damn it. Damn it.

4/28/2006 10:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Good Morning" cussing in submission to authority. I'm about ready to shit my pants.

7/08/2006 8:48 AM  
Anonymous Sally said...

Hmmm. The questions are: what do you check off on a computerized form asking for identity status. Single? or Other? or lots of relationships, just never legalized. Second question, if I don't become a Catholic, can you excommunicate me or send me to purgatory?

Married life is the best choice.

11/30/2006 4:47 AM  

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