Ask the Pope

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

St. Valentine

St. Valentine
Originally uploaded by Joseph Ratzinger.
People ask me if I get depressed on Valentine’s Day. They think that just because I don’t have a wife that I must be depressed.

Well, being single doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t need a woman to make me feel loved. I’m loved all over the world.

I’ve thought about getting married in the past, but now I shudder at the thought. I can’t deal with a nagging wife.

Imagine that I have to go to Africa to perform a miracle and save someone from death. But then my wife gets upset that I’m leaving on a business trip again.

Do you think I’m going to let someone die because my wife wants me at home?

I don’t think so. I’d probably end up slamming the front door and telling her that we’ll talk about it when I get home.

This, no doubt, will get her upset and she’ll make some sly comment about how everyone thinks that I’m so holy, but I’m really an unloving husband.

That type of comment will get me really upset.

At that point, I’ll probably tell her that if she says a word of this to anyone I’ll excommunicate her and make sure she stays in purgatory for a very long time.

And that’s not a kind of home life I want. I prefer living the life of a bachelor.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

20-Minutes with Laura Bush

I have a 20-minute meeting scheduled with Laura Bush tomorrow. She requested to meet with me because she loves my new book. I try to meet with my fans whenever I get a chance, but it gets tough with my hectic schedule.

She was a bit disappointed that I could only meet with her for twenty minutes, but that’s the way it must be. I’m a busy Pope. I have souls to pray for so they can get out of purgatory.