Saturday, May 28, 2005

My First Book Deal

The Vatican Diet

Two people arrived from Penguin Putnam to give me a book deal. They wanted me to write a book about (1) America’s invasion of Iraq, (2) my belief about women in the church, and (3) the homosexual movement in Catholicism. They think it will be a bestseller.

I told them that I didn’t feel comfortable writing about such controversial issues. Instead, I told them that I have already begun writing a book about weight loss. I’m calling it ”The Vatican Diet.” It shows the importance of drinking red wine on a daily basis, eating plenty of vegetables, and staying on a low-carb, high-protein diet. I even allow people to “cheat” on their diets once a week by eating vending machine food.

I think people will love it.

27 Comments:

Blogger dAAve said...

Sir

The Penguin book could be better.

The story line would go something like:
America invaded Iraq in order to convert all the Muslims to Catholic homosexuals who worship women priests. Please include all of their trials and tribulations. The Vatican Diet could be the final chapter.

yours in service
HP

5/28/2005 7:41 PM  
Blogger Scott W said...

Dick Cheny is really the Penguin from Batman. And speaking of penguins, check out the trailer for March of the Penguins

http://www.apple.com/trailers/warner_independent_pictures/marchofthepenguins.html

5/28/2005 8:38 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,

I would do anything to have a body like yours. I think the diet book is an excellent idea! Will you include your exercise plan too?

Your Servant,
GodlessMom

5/28/2005 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plain crazy

5/28/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

LOL... Sounds like a politically correct best seller to me.

Besides, originality can never be underestimated. Everyone practically has weighed in on the invasion of Iraq, women in the church and homexuality. This would be truly novel.

5/28/2005 10:30 PM  
Anonymous pope hater said...

DOWN WITH THE POPE!!!!!!!
KILL THE POPE TODAY!!!!

5/28/2005 11:02 PM  
Blogger Mr. H.K. said...

Your Holiness:

Are you going on Oprah?

Love,
Mr. HK

5/28/2005 11:28 PM  
Blogger AP3 said...

(Sorry for the "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go" earworm from my blog, Your Worshipfulness.)

The book sounds like a great idea. And with your hot bod', clearly your diet must work.

5/29/2005 1:26 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

But couldn't the Penguin Putnam book work out if Your Holiness wrote about an American Catholic lesbian who invaded Iraq? She gets drunk daily on red wine, because she can't find any french fries and this depresses her. She eats a lot of meat because she stumbles onto a pig farm, and surprise! She loses weight. I really can see this plot as a big sucess. Hollywood would be after you then.

5/29/2005 1:30 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Sorry about misspelling Success! Sigh. Can your Holiness please forgive me?

5/29/2005 1:31 AM  
Anonymous Georg said...

P.H.O.N.E.Y.

5/29/2005 1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Pope,

I surely hope you will do a book tour - will you kindly sprinkle my book copy w. your holy water and sugn my book too? Hey while you're at at, maybe you can be like Wolfgang Puck and start your own food line. Terry

5/29/2005 1:49 AM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

What is up with the guy saying kill the pope? What is that all about?

5/29/2005 7:26 AM  
Blogger actonbell said...

have you tried Hershey's new Take5 bar? I was doing such a good job avoiding THE VENDING MACHINE, but this is a new challenge...once a week, huh?

5/29/2005 2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm convinced that a food line is for you. Hmmm, Benedict's Gourmet something...

5/29/2005 5:36 PM  
Blogger Thister said...

Will this new book be able to compete with the current market of diet books? What makes your's special and different from all the other books?

5/29/2005 5:57 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/29/2005 6:26 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Thister,
My book is different from all the rest. Not only do I provide amazing diet tips (not found in your typcial diet books), but I also provide ways to gain holiness.

I'm going to have a coupon in the back of the book to excuse anyone from 100 hail Marys. Just give it to your priest and he'll have to excuse you.

5/29/2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger Girl With An Alibi said...

That's a brilliant idea and much needed wisdom in an age of diet pills and anorexia.

5/31/2005 6:34 PM  
Blogger Bud Wiser said...

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10/04/2005 1:10 PM  
Blogger Robert Parr said...

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10/12/2005 7:06 AM  
Blogger Robert Parr said...

Hello, just viewed your site. I think it is really nice and interesting. If you're interested you can view my weight loss plans. Its a tweight loss plans site. Have a good day!

10/12/2005 6:57 PM  
Blogger Robert Parr said...

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10/12/2005 9:47 PM  
Blogger Robert Parr said...

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10/13/2005 5:58 AM  
Blogger Robert Parr said...

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10/13/2005 9:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10/14/2005 12:12 PM  
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2/27/2006 11:22 PM  

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