Time Magazine Interviewed Me

Time Magazine recently interviewed me.

Here’s a transcript:

TIME MAGAZINE:
What did you think of Pope John Paul II?

POPE JOE:
J.P. was pretty good, but he had his flaws. I learned from his mistakes.

TIME MAGAZINE:
What flaws did he have?

POPE JOE:
Well, for one thing, he drove a Ford Escort. Not my style.

TIME MAGAZINE:
Tell us about your blog?

POPE JOE:
When I became Pope, I started getting all this email—as you can imagine. So I started a blog so that I could interact with anyone more quickly. Someone recently asked me if my office water cooler is filled with Holy Water.

TIME MAGAZINE:
How did you respond?

POPE JOE:
Of course, not. It’s just bottled mountain spring water. I could, of course, turn it to Holy Water if I wanted to because everything I touch is basically holy and blessed.

It’s like that legend about King Midas and how everything he touched turned to gold. It got him in trouble, didn’t it? He couldn’t eat food because it turned to gold. He’d see a ham sandwich sitting there and the second he touched it— it turned to gold. The poor man was starving.

And I would imagine that the Midas touch inflated the economy as well. The story never gets into the economics of the Midas Kingdom, but you can imagine how inflation must have skyrocketed.

TIME MAGAZINE:
Do you think you’re a type of King Midas?

POPE JOE:
Well, I’m sort of a King Midas—sure. Except everything I touch gets blessed—in a sense, but to really activate it—I need to say a prayer. So, at this moment—the bottled water is not holy yet.

Now, watch this.

[Pope Joe walks to water cooler ands says a silent prayer.]

Now it’s holy.