Saturday, May 28, 2005

Time Magazine Interviewed Me

Time Magazine recently interviewed me.

Here’s a transcript:

What did you think of Pope John Paul II?

J.P. was pretty good, but he had his flaws. I learned from his mistakes.

What flaws did he have?

Well, for one thing, he drove a Ford Escort. Not my style.

Tell us about your blog?

When I became Pope, I started getting all this email—as you can imagine. So I started a blog so that I could interact with anyone more quickly. Someone recently asked me if my office water cooler is filled with Holy Water.

How did you respond?

Of course, not. It’s just bottled mountain spring water. I could, of course, turn it to Holy Water if I wanted to because everything I touch is basically holy and blessed.

It’s like that legend about King Midas and how everything he touched turned to gold. It got him in trouble, didn’t it? He couldn’t eat food because it turned to gold. He’d see a ham sandwich sitting there and the second he touched it— it turned to gold. The poor man was starving.

And I would imagine that the Midas touch inflated the economy as well. The story never gets into the economics of the Midas Kingdom, but you can imagine how inflation must have skyrocketed.

Do you think you’re a type of King Midas?

Well, I’m sort of a King Midas—sure. Except everything I touch gets blessed—in a sense, but to really activate it—I need to say a prayer. So, at this moment—the bottled water is not holy yet.

Now, watch this.

[Pope Joe walks to water cooler ands says a silent prayer.]

Now it’s holy.


Blogger dAAve said...


Your absolute HUMILITY overwhelms me. Does the VatCooler have more than one button to operate the spigot? Mine has a white button AND a red one. I like to push the red one. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

yours in service

5/28/2005 2:31 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Forgive me for asking, but now that the water in the cooler is Holy, is a person allowed to drink it? Or is it just for blessing things with?

5/28/2005 3:36 AM  
Blogger actonbell said...

Holy watercooler, Batman!

5/28/2005 3:39 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

How about toilet water? Do you ever bless that?

5/28/2005 4:59 AM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

What issue of Time is this?

5/28/2005 6:05 AM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

Yeah when is this going to hit the newstands and are you going to be on the front cover again?

5/28/2005 6:59 AM  
Blogger Åñèè§å said...

pope i think u should have ur own it the big J...

5/28/2005 7:40 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Dear Pope-sta,
This is exactly the kind of miracle that Catholicism is founded on. You're a genius to prove it to the media in such a clever way. Good job.
Weary Hag

5/28/2005 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Plain crazy

5/28/2005 1:26 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

They told me the issue is due out in a month. I told them not to put that same ugly picture of me on the front again. That picture scares me--wasn't my best day.

I have some new head shots that look awesome. I no longer look like a hobit.

5/28/2005 5:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You look the way you always did.

5/28/2005 10:25 PM  
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10/26/2005 9:05 AM  

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