Saturday, May 21, 2005

John Paul's '75 Escort For Sale

Everyone realized how much cash was made off my old car, so now someone is attempting to sell JP's little Escort.

It's a sad little car, but it does have some benefits:

“The car comes with a set of rosary beads that belonged to the pope, a picture of a saint glued to the dash, and a small candy container filled with fuses and matches.”

I think the car's candy container (filled with fuses and matches) is a damnable sin. A candy container should have candy. And don't you dare put chocolate candy in that container--it would melt and get all gooey on hot days. Unless, of course, the candy container is portable and you can take it with you. That would be okay.


Blogger dAAve said...


Do you believe that a portable vending machine might just fit inside your Holy Escalade?

yours in service

5/21/2005 9:36 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Possibly. I'll have to see if the vending machine will fit first. I have some pretty big amps in the back.

5/21/2005 9:53 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

This post has me laughing sinfully out loud!

It is possible to obtain a pez dispenser or a ding dong holder,maybe even a beer stein for your escalade? It would speak of class and be so perfect for you.

What do you think?

5/21/2005 10:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You call them amps, what you`ve got in the back????????????
I have buttocks in the back.

5/21/2005 10:59 PM  
Anonymous Romanoff said...

Hello, I am Anastasia Romanoff, I died during the Russian revolution in St.Petersburg. I am founding a self help group. If you, too, have the feeling that you are not quite yourself, you are free to join so you can recuperate.

5/21/2005 11:56 PM  
Blogger actonbell said...

the vending machine in your escalade wouldn't require you to have change on you, would it? If it did, would it be lira?

5/22/2005 12:27 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

I think Pez is an excellent idea. Of course, I'm biased.

5/22/2005 2:22 AM  
Blogger dddragon said...

Can't a smaller version of a vending machine be created? Of course, then you would probably have to cut down on the selection.

Hmmm. Tough choice

5/22/2005 4:10 AM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

The former pope owned a Ford Escort, and you owned a Volkswagon Golf. Don't they pay Cardinals anything? Even the poor can do better than a Ford Escort. I know that you guys are supposed to be humble, but a Ford? Come on now. At least get a Lincoln.

And as for driving a Ford into the mountains - I thought that tempting God was a bad idea!

Your Escalade is a much better choice, although if I were Pope I would have a Bently.

5/22/2005 6:03 AM  
Anonymous Georg from Bavaria said...

Oh Lord, why don`t you give me a Mercedes Benz.....

5/22/2005 11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and now they sell the house you lived in when you tought in Bonn on German Ebay....

5/22/2005 11:39 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I was gone over the weekend, and I must admit, I MISSED YOU! There, I said it.
You are very addicting, just like M & M's, which I wouldn't put in that candy container lest they melt. I would, however, put skittles in it.

5/23/2005 1:30 AM  
Blogger Trudging said...

Hey I drove a scort for years, they are great cars.

5/23/2005 12:41 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Don't keep MaryJanes (the old fashioned candy) in your container either. They melt and make your car smell like peanut butter for weeks after.

5/23/2005 1:02 PM  
Blogger WinterWheat said...

If he were truly pious he would have driven a Festiva. I did for 11 years and let me tell you, it was a sacrifice.

5/23/2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Very true, Winterwheat. The Escort is a bit much when compared to the Festiva.

I think if he was really a man of the people, he would of driven a Yugo.

5/23/2005 3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't you ever read the "Little Match Girl." The entire inspiration for the act and a jest to the fall. Matches have life; jewels are lifeless until ignited with flame. Escort...aah, now it all makes perfect sense.

4/05/2006 1:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't eat licorice either. I sensed a connection to the dog life and stopped this confectionary in their tracks. Yuck, the world is of yucky people.

4/05/2006 1:21 AM  

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