Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Vatican Fitness Club

As you know, I want to be a man of the people, so I regularly visit the Vatican Fitness Club to swim and do a little workout among the peasants.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the Jacuzzi with 4 other men when the bubbles stopped. Everyone looked at me (since I was closest to the big red button) and wanted me to get out of the Jacuzzi to turn it back on.

Not only was I tired, but I’m Pope, too. Why should I have to get out of the Jacuzzi to turn it back on? Why can’t one of those guys get out and do it? Besides, what’s wrong with just sitting in murky, warm water without bubbles? Are the bubbles even necessary?

After about a minute, one of the guys looked at me and politely asked me to turn the Jacuzzi back on. The three other guys looked at me and I started fuming inside.

I’ve never considered becoming a Baptist until that point. Thoughts of baptism by submersion seemed like an appropriate doctrine at that moment.

I imagined my thin, frail arms trying to hold that tough guy under water. I might convince him by telling him that I was Pope and wanted to give him a special blessing. I think I could hold him down for 15 seconds, but that’s about it. Not long enough to make him pass out.

Oh, well.

I ended up just ignoring him and looked at my toes. I like to wiggle my toes in the Jacuzzi.


Blogger Ville said...

Hello dear Pope!

You must be very clean and fresh and fit by this time:) I would say clean and crispy.. Have a nice evening! Or morning... whatever time is over there.

5/18/2005 5:36 PM  
Blogger CreepyMcSordid said...

Il Papa ...may I ask permission to submit to you the idea of covertly leaving a Baby Ruth candy bar in the Jacuzzi as you exit the hot tub?

Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem...

5/18/2005 5:50 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,
I truly admire the restraint you demonstrated when confronted by such people.

Perhaps you should change church doctrine to include baptism by immersion. It would be a convenient way of getting rid of those cafeteria types once and for all!

Your Servant,

5/18/2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...


It's too bad the jets stopped. I like the jets, but if I was in the jacuzzi with you, I would have turned them back on for you.

5/18/2005 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Mister Pope-man.

Maybe they didn't know who you were. I would imagine that in the state of dress you must have been in that it might have been easy to mistake you for a regular guy, or peasant, as you said. Unless you had the super duper poping hat on of course. Just a thought.

5/18/2005 6:44 PM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Hi Pope Joey,

I think the bubbles are mainly to hide the not-so-pretty-bodies under the water. But I'm with jevanking -- I would've turned it back on for you.


5/18/2005 7:27 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

Look on the bright side Father, at least they didn't take it upon themselves to start making their own bubbles.. that would be unholy.

5/18/2005 7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Pope, You still make me smile.

5/18/2005 7:33 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

hi papa

You're hilarious man.

5/18/2005 8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Toe Joe

5/18/2005 8:24 PM  
Anonymous Chezzain' said...

Toe wiggling as a form of restraint is something we should all exercise when faced with such pushy types. Needs more doctrinal pushing...more than baptism, I guess..

5/19/2005 2:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Identity crisis in your life?

5/19/2005 2:30 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Where's that humility you're so proud of? A truly humble man would have gotten up and pressed the red button.
Pride cometh before a fall...remeber that.

5/19/2005 5:58 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

I think the jet bubbles are there to mask any farts that happen. You missed an opportunity to make your own special and holy bubbles when those rude tub-companions were glaring at you to press the button. It probably would have forced at least one of them out of the tub in the long run. Farting in a jacuzzi is a win-win situation.

5/19/2005 1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don`t forget that you are 78!

5/19/2005 3:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Baptist theology.

5/20/2005 12:48 AM  
Blogger GroovyVic said...

You just keep wiggling those toes!

5/20/2005 3:08 AM  
Blogger sidcruise said...

You are funny!! Cant believe you are the POPE :)....

Bless me !

5/20/2005 5:00 AM  
Blogger Gunter said...

The bubbles are there so you can masturbate under the water, not that you'd do such a thing.

5/20/2005 5:16 AM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

You ROCK Pope! You are my fave Pope of all time!

5/20/2005 7:59 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Hey Pope Joey,
Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I'm thinking either Yoda or Luke Skywalker....

5/20/2005 5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, that pope doesn`t watch TV!

5/20/2005 8:07 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Yoda like I.

5/20/2005 10:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Holiness . . . next time this happens, perhaps you say, "Bubbles? You want bubbles . . . I'll give you bubbles!" And then proceed to create your own. No need to get up and out . . . and I agree that will rouse them out of there and quickly!!

5/23/2005 3:47 AM  
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10/24/2005 3:04 AM  
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5/01/2013 12:41 PM  

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