Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Concerning PowerPoint Presentations

One of the Cardinals gave a PowerPoint presentation to us today. He used a bunch of really tacky slide transitions and sound effects. It drove me nuts. I cringed every time he clicked the mouse. He also used the worst color palette imaginable: pink text over a blue background. The guy must be color-blind. It hurt my eyes to even look at the screen.

The Cardinal also seemed to enjoy using the “typewriter” animation effect. You know, where the words slowly type on the screen. It’s like torture waiting for these long paragraphs to slowly appear.

Whoever developed the “typewriter” effect on PowerPoint deserves purgatory for at least 200 years. I mean, is that effect really necessary?

I don’t care how many “Hail Mary” prayers that Microsoft programmer says. He or She will spend at least 200 years in purgatory if I have anything to do with it. And I do. Believe that.


Blogger jevanking™ said...

Shouldn't you forgive the person for making such a mistake? I don't understand Catholic doctrine that well though...

However, if that person was put into Purgatory, it wouldn't bother me. That typewriter thing makes me want to vomit.

5/10/2005 4:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have no doubt that the paperwork for such an order will be filled out using MS Word. Hypocracy fits the Church pretty well though.

5/10/2005 5:15 PM  
Blogger k said...

I don't mind the typewriter effect for the title, for a word or two, but you are right, an entire paragraph? and that sound it makes? very irritating. reminds me of my college days :)
Maybe you can offer a course in Powerpoint, I'm sure there would be a lot of interest.

5/10/2005 5:57 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

I could not agree more.

5/10/2005 6:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for visiting my blog, your holiness. i agree, the typewriter effect should be banned, along with the pinwheel transition. that thing pisses me off!

5/10/2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger Bree said...

If you ask me, purgatory is too good for the creators of PowerPoint...they really need to end up in at least the third or fourth ring of hell. Well, whatever the one is that you have to stand in feces for eternity.

That would be equal retribution. XD

5/10/2005 8:20 PM  
Blogger Nimbus said...

Oh great Pope Joe, please tell me whether Barney the Dinosaur and Mr Blobby are also purgatory bound?

5/10/2005 8:58 PM  
Blogger tropical_lima_beans said...

i didn't know the pope was so mean-spirited.......

5/10/2005 9:44 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Amen, Allen.
I should fly you in to give our Cardinals a lesson in PowerPoint.

5/10/2005 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


read this link dear Pope B - can you believe David Byrne (famous from the Talking Heads) did this? Read further, I think you can hang w. Edward Tufte - maybe fly that dude in to the V.

T in SF

5/11/2005 3:20 AM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Screw 'em all! Show them some PowerPope.

5/11/2005 3:20 AM  
Blogger Randomly Crazy Girl said...

I always thought purgatory was sort of a place one never left, once arriving...

5/11/2005 4:19 AM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

Type writter font can be kinda cool if you add a typewriter sound affect..but only in small doses.

Pope, whats your stance on Lutherans?

5/11/2005 5:18 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I would expect any Cardinal's presentation to be dull. I'd be pleasantly surprised to actually enjoy it or find it cutting edge or even interesting.
You have the power to change things.
"Help them Obi Ben Kenobi; you're their only hope."
Sorry, I've got Star Wars fever.

5/11/2005 6:24 AM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Next time your holiness needs to pelt the offending cardinal with stale vending machine foods. This will be your subtile hint that the presentation sucks.

You can also cause your cell phone to ring, claim it is god and then leave the room to take the "important call". Spend the rest of your day crusing Rome in your Escalade.

5/11/2005 7:34 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

Isn't there a prayer you can say in Vatican Square that will put a secret "jinx" on Microsoft? Why not combine the 16 (or so) languages you know into one sentence - we'll never know...

5/11/2005 1:04 PM  
Blogger neha said...

when one of the presenters come, do what we all do - sleep. alternatives exist- drop your glass on the ground, release a cockroach or how about a snake!?

5/11/2005 3:08 PM  
Blogger Derek said...

Silly Catholics. Powerpoints are for kids.

5/11/2005 6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont' belive there is a thing as pergatory. I belive if you belive in God as your savior and that he has forgiven your sins when you die you will go straight to heaven. You won't need anybody to pray you out of Pergatory.

5/11/2005 9:52 PM  
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