Friday, May 13, 2005

The Spanish Inquisition

Someone asked me about my thoughts on the Spanish Inquisition. Here’s my response:

The Spanish Inquisition was a terrible, terrible massacre that should have never occurred. If I were Pope back then, things would have been quite different.

Not only was it wrong, but it also required a working knowledge of Spanish.

My Spanish is terrible. I know enough Spanish to order a margarita and find out where the restroom is located. What kind of Spanish Inquisition would that be?

I’m sure my inquisitions would have been a lot more fun—-if anything. I wouldn’t even call them inquisitions; I’d just call them “brief interviews with a Spaniard in a pub.”

Why threaten people into Catholicism, when you could use a margarita? And I’d never use opium, as Marx suggested.

Another bonus about me being Pope back then is that Poe’s classic story “The Pit and the Pendulum” (which delves into the atrocities of the Inquisition) would have been renamed “The Pub and the Potty.”

I’m sure it would have been really funny book, and gained me some converts at the same time. So we both would win.

26 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Brief interviews with a Spaniard in a pub?"

I'm not sure Monty Python could have worked with that.

5/13/2005 4:53 PM  
Blogger K'vitsh said...

That's the kind of Spanish Inquisition I could get behind.

5/13/2005 5:41 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Creative methods of attraction, and conversion certainly had their place in history. Take the crusades, for example. (I am speaking of those being practiced in present day society as well, just with a new angle, that's all.)

Leading by good examples is the best tiype of attraction.

5/13/2005 6:06 PM  
Blogger Mister Jinxy said...

Fetch....The Comfy CHAIR!!!

5/13/2005 6:12 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,
Once again your wisdom shines through.

Mmmmmm. Margaritas. That sort of proselytizing might even convert me! Throw in the Comfy Chair and I'm sold.

Your Servant,
GodlessMom

5/13/2005 7:40 PM  
Blogger A.T. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 8:34 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

lol- Amen Mister Jinxy!

Pope, I'm all in for this new Brief Interviews with Spaniards in a Pub!

5/13/2005 9:25 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

no able espanol that means i dont speak spanish!!!!

5/13/2005 10:01 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 10:01 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 10:01 PM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Actually, it is no habla espanol. And in spanish, habla is pronounced like "abla" using the short a sound. What can I say, I live in Miami FL (or North Cuba depending on how you look at it).

However, I love the pub idea. Get people loaded, then convert them. You could even sweeten the deal by using some pope bling to pay for the tab of people that do convert! If they choose to remain unsaved, make them pay their own bill.

By the way, I like your pope my ride bumper sticker. but you once said that stickers are tacky on your Escalade. Did you have an epiphany or something?

5/13/2005 10:27 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

How would you order a margarita, Pope? And what flavor?

5/14/2005 8:50 AM  
Blogger TFS said...

You are not the true pope!! Only William Shatner is the true pope!!!

quakeinfear.blogspot.com

5/14/2005 12:13 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

God loves you, Your Holiness. T

5/14/2005 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yah are you the really pope?

5/14/2005 3:22 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. This is one of your best blogs, and that's saying A LOT.

How do you order a margarita in spanish. This is information I can use. Can a person ask for a margarita instead of the regular blood at communion in a Mexican church?

5/14/2005 6:00 PM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Yes, LOL. I prefer beer. Can we conquer Germany instead?

5/14/2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger julia said...

why do you pretend to be the pope? this is stupid.

5/14/2005 9:21 PM  
Blogger Ale said...

OHH GOSH--
i'm afraid i must confess Pope J!
I have gone to pubs in Spain...
I have drunk lots of margaritas...
I've been told by good looking spanish guys that I have an inquisitive mind...
OH NO!!! does that mean I've participated in the Spanish Inquisition!!??? oops--

5/15/2005 4:00 AM  
Blogger A Single Woman said...

Margaritas you say? Count me in! And Pope My Ride I can see as a new reality show on the Eternal World Network or the 700 Club. Who knew the Pope was this much fun!

5/15/2005 6:50 AM  
Anonymous neha said...

oh what fun! what fun! if only popes were like you, they dont do anything more useful anyway!!

5/15/2005 7:54 AM  
Blogger dhruv said...

Is converting people all you think about pope, i mean is that the last thing left in life, or in the church's word, is that what god wants u to do?

5/15/2005 11:04 AM  
Blogger marie_butudontknowme said...

all I have to say is HAHAHAHA. Brilliant.

5/17/2005 4:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wowhiim like a girl from london
in school trying to find out aboiut the spainsh inquisition
wowwwww
hi
lollllll
nehu
yh
so
hi
wag1 to ya
yh im a roman catholic pappap lol
hole tyt shystah(ME)
x x x

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