Monday, May 23, 2005

Concerning Sneezing

Before I was Pope, I would say, “Bless You” after every time someone sneezed. It’s an expression that I used to say out of habit.

Now that I’m Pope, I need to reserve my blessings to only people that deserve and/or need it. I shouldn’t bless someone just because they sneezed. What kind of Pope would that make me?

I must not be wasteful by blessing everyone. If I did, my blessings will mean less. And there’s nothing worse than a cheap blessing. Just ask Ashlee Simpson.


Blogger dAAve said...


You used to wear a habit?
Oh yeah, you said "out of habit."

yours in service

5/23/2005 4:54 PM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

You could always wear a disguise for those times you feel the need to give out a cheap blessing. I would suggest a disquise that you can keep on you at all times and quickly put on when needed.

You know, like a pair of Groucho Marx glasses - with the fake nose and the eyebrows. Put it on and people will not know you are the pope.

5/23/2005 5:26 PM  
Blogger Robert said...

Your Holiness,

You seem to have adjusted well to your new station in life - and are really working through the tough issues very few of us ever face.

I would recommend that, given your German background, you say a simple "gesundheit" and leave it at that.

5/23/2005 5:32 PM  
Blogger Cincy Diva said...

Gesundheit works wonders. Of course people would sneeze less around you if you wouldn't burn so much insence. Just a thought.

Haveum a Goodeus Day-o

5/23/2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger A.T. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/23/2005 6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is Ashlee Simpson?

5/23/2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger GroovyVic said...

Please, Holy Father, don't bless Ashlee Simpson...or offer her a Kleenex.

5/23/2005 8:24 PM  
Blogger Jane King said...

I keep telling you she is a Baptist.

5/23/2005 9:37 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Or you could go with the Achtung! Arbeit Macht Frei, with your Nazi background. I bet it would get people to stop sneezing around you.

They're just blessing leaches! They probably don't even have a tickle- they just want a blessing from-a da Pop-a!

5/23/2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

Kleenex is soft.

5/23/2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger 357martini said...

Yo Po bless this.........


5/23/2005 10:29 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

Joe, just noticed your old apartment is now up for sale on e-Bay. I know it has been awhile since you lived there and I am looking at maybe buying some property in Europe any words of wisdom about it since I can't go visit it first hand?

One way out of blessing people when they sneeze, simply ask them real quick after they sneeze "allergies?" then you shift the attention away from their blessing. An old slight of hand technique...

5/23/2005 11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just say: Anybody injured?

5/24/2005 12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If people didn`t sniff so much snuff they wouldn`t sneeze so much.

5/24/2005 1:10 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Would you bless my blog please?

And our country.

5/24/2005 1:43 AM  
Blogger N said...

That whiny ugly poseur Ashlee Simpson isn't worthy to lick the divine Jessica Simpson's butt sweat.

5/24/2005 2:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now is it really appropriate to veer so far from the topic to suggest hot girl-on-girl sister action to his Holiness? :::aaahhchoo!:::

5/24/2005 8:15 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

You could just wait till they've sneezed once already, then ask them if they could try that again with their eyes open this time. If they try it, you could swiftly impose a blessing. If they don't, they aren't worthy.

5/24/2005 11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would you sneeze into my Kleenex? I`ll sell it at Ebay!

5/24/2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger Åñèè§å said...

it isn't possible 4 anyone to sneeze with their eyes open.....ur being rather selfish with ur blessings...

5/24/2005 2:47 PM  
Blogger SouthernCanadian said...

You mean Ashlee Simpson doesn't make you want to la la?

In any case, since you are now conserving your blessings, I feel honored to have received one recently.

5/24/2005 3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post, but I have to add this, as late as I am.

How should one respond should you sneeze? If you were to sneeze would it be appropriate for me to give you my blessing?

10/02/2005 7:15 PM  

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