Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Random Blood Tests

The HR Director wants to start implementing random blood tests throughout the year. This is fine for all my employees, but I don’t think it should apply to me. I have supernatural blood, and it could be very dangerous in the wrong hands.

One drop of my blood could lengthen the life of a man by fifty years. Think what would happen if Yanni or Michael Bolton got a hold of it. Think about how many more albums they could produce.

This would be a crime against humanity.

16 Comments:

Blogger jamwall said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/26/2005 7:14 PM  
Blogger jamwall said...

(sorry, i screwed up the previous post)

i have an old friend who hung around the minneapolis music scene in the late 70s, early 80s. they knew Yanni when he was with some local rock band.

he once told them that the secret to being star is having a "hairy chest"

....yep, that's what he said....

7/26/2005 7:15 PM  
Anonymous c.t. said...

Good God! What if Ashlee Simpson got ahold of it!

7/26/2005 8:00 PM  
Blogger dddragon said...

How scary!

7/26/2005 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have many white blood cells.

7/26/2005 10:44 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I could handle them okay, but if Neil Diamond keeps doing concerts for another fifty years, I may die prematurely.

7/26/2005 11:32 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Your Holiness

This sounds like a threat that YOU may be with us for another 50 years. This is unacceptable. Please consider a total plasma removal ASAP. You may accompany Mssrs. Yanni and Bolton.

yours in service
HP

7/27/2005 2:34 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Why random blood tests? Why not just random urine tests? It seems a tad extreme...

7/27/2005 2:51 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Your Holiness,

So, you could have saved Pope JP with a transfusion, but didn't? Just tryin' to get the facts.

Respectfully yours,

7/27/2005 3:15 AM  
Anonymous Yanni said...

why does Yanni need the pope's blood when Yanni already has a hairy chest?

ladies and gentlemen (but not so much the ladies, of course). the secret to Yanni's success is, of course, a hairy chest!

if you add the mustache and nice hair (which i have colored with the very finest "just for men" hair formula), along with regular treatments of spray-on tan to give one the classic yellowish Yanni completion, you have eternal life!

mathematical formula

Yanni = fabulous.

7/27/2005 5:12 AM  
Blogger Mr. Cougar said...

Britney Spears, Ashlee Simpson, her sister Jess, Fidel Castro!!! nooooo!!! take care of your blood, dear Pope!!!

7/27/2005 9:02 AM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Holy Father, I love your site - consider me converted. (Any one who puts down Michael Bolton must surely be blessed.) I have bookmarked your site for those times I need inspiration and some good laughs.

7/28/2005 6:53 AM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/28/2005 6:53 AM  
Blogger dhruv said...

Pope do you know that the time when prince charles of england married first in Year 1981 the pope died and liverpool was crwoned the european champions. in 2005 when prince charles married again the pope died and liverpool was once again crowned the champions of europe. lets hope he doesnt marry again

7/28/2005 5:42 PM  
Anonymous The Pagan said...

Dear Mr. Pope,
As the character Michael Bolton in "Office Space" said of Micheal Bolton..."That ass clown!?!" 'Nuff said.

7/31/2005 2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the interest of your longevity, I'd say no, not true. In the interest of myth and folklore and drama and intrique, I'd say "yes."

This whole blood-letting thing is wrong. I've given gallons but it is a control game being played out today. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all...

3/29/2006 6:37 AM  

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