Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Problem with Filing Cabinets

I don’t understand why the filing cabinet in my office only allows me to open one drawer at a time. I’m often juggling between paperwork in the top drawer and comparing information that is in the bottom drawer. Why can’t I just have both drawers open at the same time?

I’ve even tried tricking my filing cabinet by attempting to open both drawers at the exact same time, but the thing just totally locks up. It's like I’m doing something illegal.

I want to know who invented the rule that only one drawer can open at a time. It must be the same person who says we can’t rip off mattress tags. These rules must be changed.

I need to invent a filing cabinet that will allow people to freely open whatever drawers they want, whenever they want.


Anonymous holly said...

I think it prevents file cabinet "tippage". That's what the fine folks at Ikea told me when I returned my filing cabinet because both drawers wouldn't open at the same time :)

6/01/2005 1:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh...but they 'should' leave that to your disgression as opposed to imposing such rules on the user. You bought it didn't you? Shouldn't you be able to do what you like with it?

6/01/2005 2:37 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Holly is correct.

Changing the rules could really shake things up.
Live dangerously, and go for it!

6/01/2005 2:43 AM  
Anonymous Car Gal said...

I cannot help you with filing cabinets but I can help you with cars.

6/01/2005 2:51 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Your Holy Papalness, why not trade the big, fat file cabinet with drawers for the file cabinet on your PC. The one with windows. You can open as many files as you would like.

I rip off those mattress and pillow tags all the time. How many Hail Marys must I say?

6/01/2005 4:11 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Pope Joey,
It sounds like you need a vacation. I think you'd like New Orleans. Just a thought.

6/01/2005 4:46 AM  
Blogger Sehbai said...

yeah seriously pope who uses a filing cabinet anymore, thats so like 80's

6/01/2005 5:09 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

You could audition for the Apprentice in its new season. They might have another gig with Staples, so you can become better organized. Or there is always the Container Store.

6/01/2005 6:35 AM  
Blogger Ville said...

Pope Joe,

I have found here the right one for you. Larkin Desk Set, designed by Wright in 1903. There is even a swing-out chair, at night, the back folded down ... they said - the new age in office design.
Just imagine!

6/01/2005 12:01 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Your Holiness

In a moment of rare, holy clarity, I believe that I have found the answer to your perplexing conundrum.

Get a second fuckin' filing cabinet.

yours in service

6/01/2005 12:47 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

(now praying for HP's slip of the "fuck" word - I'm sure he's repenting but figured I'd mention it incase you failed to notice)
I do however, tend to agree that you could probably swing an extra cabinet in the Vatican budget. If not, I have one with old rust spots on it if you want... it's yours for a blessing.

6/01/2005 1:48 PM  
Blogger gonebabygone said...

heh...I bet such an invention will get you on the fast track to sainthood!

6/01/2005 3:56 PM  
Anonymous tribal elder said...


At least for your filing cabinets, there should be an exception to the one drawer rule. It is a safety feature to prevent the center of gravity of the cabinet being beyond the cabinet's 'footprint'. Couldn't you have one or more angels detailed to prop up your cabinet when two drawers are open ? I realize and accept that this remedy is not available to the rest of us. This could be your first miracle in your own lifetime, and put you on the fast track to sainthood when you are called to the big front office in the sky.

6/01/2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Hey Pope Joey,
And thoughts on Deep Throat?

6/01/2005 5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you actually do any work? and with paper as well?

6/01/2005 5:46 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

I agree with Aral, take a vacation.

6/01/2005 9:13 PM  
Anonymous Georg from Bavaria said...

I told you, you are too old for the job!

6/01/2005 11:20 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

thanks weary hag, i don't know what came over me

6/02/2005 1:17 AM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

I would strongly reccomend that in the event you take a vacation, Oh Holiness. That you vacation in Iowa. Keep it low key and you can check out the cows,pigs, and corn without a bunch of people bothering you.
And if you need a place to stay you can always crash at my place.

6/02/2005 4:27 AM  

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