Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Playa Hata

I don’t know if you’ve heard about the Parish Priest of Kilkee, but he’s been causing me some major problems. He really doesn’t like my views on celibacy. A recent news articles says:

“Fr O’Meara described celibacy as “totally unnatural” and “not necessary for the priesthood”. The election of the German cardinal as pope was “an awfully disappointing move,” he said. “I was hoping for a South American cardinal or a European, like Cardinal Casper, to become Pope. But the courage wasn’t there to do it. What they have gone for is a holding game, really.”

Fr O’Meara better watch himself. I’m the Papal Godfather of the Roman Catholic Church, and he’s gravely insulted me and the rest of my Vatican family. The only reason I haven’t taken him out is because of my graciousness.

Most priests (including myself) joined the priesthood because we couldn’t find a woman that would marry us. Nobody finds us attractive enough, so we join the priesthood. If you look closely enough at me, you would think I’m a Hobbit. I seriously look like Bilbo Baggins.

If Fr O’Meara thinks he’s good looking enough to grab a mate, then I say let him go. Good luck to him, but don’t start attacking me because of my views on celibacy. I didn’t choose this rule, it’s a tradition that we follow because nobody will marry us.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey papa!

couldnt find a woman to marry you, i think that is one more reason why gay marriages should be allowed!

6/01/2005 5:52 PM  
Blogger mireille said...

um, desperately trying not to laugh. Wouldn't be appropriate. BUT THIS IS SO FUNNY AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE "Hate the Game, Don't Hate the Playa," whatever that means. Thank you for your lighthearted ecclesiastical approach.

6/01/2005 6:07 PM  
Blogger gonebabygone said...

heheh...Did O'Meara just call the pope a cock block? Damn! It's on!

6/01/2005 6:49 PM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

I'm sure I'm not the only one to notice that Germany is, in fact, a part of Europe. Perhaps Fr. O'Meara needs to spend more time in a Geography class, and less time in the boys locker room.

6/01/2005 7:30 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

I truly did laugh out loud at this one!

You do have a serious resemblance to Bilbo Baggins. Is that a bad thing?

6/01/2005 7:50 PM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Come on. We know the Vatican has a large quantity of porn, gathered over the centuries for "research". Are you trying to tell us that there is not any monkey spanking going on in some secret back room?

This is why the Swiss Guard wear those funny hats. They can be used as a mop if things get too crazy back there.

6/01/2005 7:56 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

The Vatican has a porn vault?

6/01/2005 9:12 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Laughing so hard. But you know, with all due respect, I agree with you: you are not a good looking man. That being said, you could still find a mate, especially now, in light of your glorified fame. (and maybe fortune..just think of the laws in Vatican city there regarding property.)

6/01/2005 9:39 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

I need Extreme Makeover to help me out first.

6/01/2005 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the pope, I want to marry him! I am young, female and beautiful.

6/01/2005 11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One gets everything for free as a priest, so one has to pay the price of staying single, that is fair.

6/01/2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Nobody will marry you? That can't be true.
What about the nuns?

6/01/2005 11:46 PM  
Blogger stephanie said...

hey pope, ya hot. i'll marry you dude

6/02/2005 3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to marry the real Pope!

6/02/2005 6:44 PM  
Anonymous Georg said...

Big brother is watching you.

6/02/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger imagoner said...

Hey! Hobbits are good looking in their own culture! I'm sure if you looked hard enough you could find a nice Hobbit-looking woman to love you! The problem here, Dear Pope, is that men always set there standards too high. Rarely do the Hobbit men ever actually end up with the elven Queens, but that's what you all expect. Lower you standards men!

6/02/2005 11:27 PM  
Blogger resless guy said...

it jus al depends' on what somone thinks', i gues thats' alright,..

7/30/2005 4:50 PM  

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