Friday, June 10, 2005

Gas Station Receipts Never Print

Whenever I fill up my Escalade with gas, I typically use my Vatican Visa
card at the pump. It's a lot easier than going inside the shop and having
to sign autographs for my fans.

When I'm done pumping gas, the digital display on the pump asks, "Would you like a receipt?"

My answer is always the same, so I press the "yes" button.

Nine out of ten times, I'll wait a minute for something to print, but nothing
does. I hear something printing, but there's obviously no paper in the

I don't even know why I even bother to try and get a receipt anymore. It's
like a sick joke that gas station attendants play on us.

I thought my luck would change when I became Pope. Obviously, not.


Blogger jevanking™ said...

You can't win em all.

6/10/2005 6:49 AM  
Blogger Sehbai said...

What the f*** do you need the receipts for? It not like you have to get the money for gas reimbursed by showing receipts at work.

6/10/2005 7:42 AM  
Blogger Momma Monkey said...

Oh Mr. Pope man !!

Don't you know it's ILLEGAL to pump your own gas in Italy ?!

After years of living in Naples I can attest that it's true...

6/10/2005 8:05 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Someone is clearly playing a dirty rotten pope trick on you. They have cameras at the pumps you know. They are sitting in a back room somewhere laughing at the look of disdain and horror on your face when the receipt never pops out. You should report them ~ those wretched candid-camera-spying-gas-hoarding-subservients.

6/10/2005 1:04 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Maybe the Pope NEEDS the receipts for his expense reports.

6/10/2005 4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate when you have to pay for air. Try getting a receipt for that.

6/10/2005 6:14 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

Your the Pope, can't You do something about it.

6/10/2005 8:31 PM  
Blogger A Little Bar of Soap said...

Leviticus 19:28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord.

6/10/2005 11:11 PM  
Blogger dddragon said...

I hate that, too. Especially when the DH then asks for them and I have to say it didn't print. Of COURSE they always print for HIM.

6/11/2005 1:19 AM  
Blogger actonbell said...

um, I've never had this problem. Someone needs to tell the staff that they need to replace the paper. The Pope needs a valet to do this for him, and a portable autopen, so he doesn't get cornered into signing for his fans...

6/11/2005 1:22 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

You shouldn't be driving yourself around. Your the Pope for crying outloud, have a minion of yours do that.

--God Speed

6/11/2005 1:53 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

You shouldn't be pumping your own gas either.

--Double God Speed

6/11/2005 1:54 AM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I hate recipts. They just serve as a reminder of how much I paid for something. Gas recipts are the worst. I hate them the most.

6/11/2005 3:40 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Psst! It's true that you don't get to pump your own gas in Italy.

Holy father, I think that you should ask the GUY UPSTAIRS to smite the gas pump if it doesn't give you the receipt. Just sayin'

6/11/2005 5:21 AM  
Blogger mireille said...

But you're not bitter. And that's what's good.

6/11/2005 4:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't that something? Someone's trying to mess w. your mind - is it being the Pope or is it the Escalade?

6/11/2005 8:15 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

The tedium of daily living can definitely get to anyone!!

6/11/2005 9:44 PM  
Anonymous Georg said...

You ain`t smart. And you are too old.

6/12/2005 12:33 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Pope! Where are you?!? I've needed your sublime guidance this weekend! Come back, come back, we miss you already!

6/13/2005 1:25 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Are you on one of those Sabbatical things? You'd best return soon or your flock may begin to stray and do bad things.
I hope you haven't taken ill like your predecessor. I don't know if I could stand another pope-funeral-show on TV this soon.

6/13/2005 12:39 PM  
Blogger k said...

I know what you mean. I keep all my receipts. I like to know how much gas I use and how much I spend every month on things like that.
Good thing you have your pope-visa, you can track everything from there. Hey, check your online banking too... sometimes they use scanners for stealing your visa number, and wouldn't that be scary in the wrong hands!

6/13/2005 5:29 PM  
Blogger A Little Bar of Soap said...

I am glad to see that the Pope is not posting. Herhaps he is busy becoming a true, Protestant Christian.

6/14/2005 3:21 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Courtney, above, is absolutely right on the money!
You should go and bless her humble blog.

6/14/2005 9:17 PM  
Anonymous Georg said...

Must be in the hospital. He is too old.

6/14/2005 11:21 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Hey Popesy, if you're thinking of closing up shop here, can you let us just take over and have turns running it pretending to be you? Oh wait. That'd never work... um, or would it? Hm. Nevermind. Just hurry back.

6/15/2005 2:58 PM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

This comment'll be deleted pretty soon, but for those of you who read it and haven't figured it out. This isn't really the pope. So it would be perfectly alright for some of us to take over the site.
Proof that this isn't the pope.
1. He'd never drive his own car and even if he did, its illegal to pump your own gas in Italy.
2. The real pope wouldn't need the money from the Pope my Ride bumper stickers(the guy running this site makes a dollar off of every one of those stickers people buy)
3. The pope himself wouldn't have time to do one of these daily online journals.
4. And even if he did he'd write it in German or possibly Italian, but deffintly not English.

I'm sure everyone on this site has figured this out yourself, but your too afraid to write it. Don't shoot the messenger and check out my site.

6/15/2005 5:20 PM  
Blogger Windjammer said...

Indianrunner12, you dope. Glad you graduated 8th grade to figure that one out.

6/15/2005 6:11 PM  
Blogger Stewed Hamm said...

Someone's gonna get smited! Or maybe he'll ask the Lord to go old school and break out the pillar of salt.

I'm for the salt, myself.

6/15/2005 7:15 PM  
Blogger dddragon said...

As in pour salt and watch 'em dissolve?

As for me, hallelujah, my gas receipt printed today!!

6/15/2005 7:29 PM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

I'm really screwed if this is the pope.

Just curious how did other people find out about this blog? About a month ago the "Pope" came by and blessed my blog, is that what happened to everybody else.

6/15/2005 7:36 PM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...


6/15/2005 7:36 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Most Holy Father, where art thou?

Your fans miss you.

Please write to us and tell us you're well.

6/16/2005 3:26 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Indianrunner ~ (GASP) WHAT? You mean this ISN'T the real Pope? Cut ... it ... OUT. How do you explain the fact that the URL to this site came to me in the night during a dream, complete with angels blowing horns, bright lights and lofty clouds, sweet smelling roses in colors the likes of which neither you nor your spelling teacher could ever imagine, on a parchment scroll? There it was, the simple phrase

This HAS to be the real deal. It simply HAS to be.

6/16/2005 12:23 PM  
Blogger Thister said...

Haha! That's funny! ;)

6/16/2005 2:58 PM  
Blogger El Marpla said...

Pope! Dont you drive around in the Pope Mobile?

6/16/2005 4:41 PM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

The only reason i did it was to see if he was there, he would've deleted it by now if he hadn't given up on this blog. So i guess its safe to say this funny site is done with.

6/16/2005 7:56 PM  
Blogger Windjammer said...

Nice goin', Scoob! Another mystery solved. And he would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky kids. Off to the Mystery Machine!

6/16/2005 8:36 PM  
Blogger Indianrunner12 said...

Wow! Word for word, I'm impressed!

6/18/2005 4:36 AM  

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