Monday, May 02, 2005

Vatican Restrooms

The toilet paper dispensers in the Vatican are really annoying. I can only wiggle out like three little squares at a time. It takes forever to get out of the restroom.

I’ve managed to cheat the system a bit by squeezing the cardboard tube into an oval to help me roll more paper off, but that only allows me like five or six more squares at a time. It’s quite troubling.

To make matters worse, the paper squares are only one-ply. Can you believe that? What sick individual developed one-ply toilet paper? Did he think one-ply would work? Did he think one-ply would be comfortable? I’d like to see him try using it. See how he likes it.

Well, I don’t really want to see him using it. I’m not into that kind of thing. And I’m not judging anyone who is into that. It’s none of my business. Different strokes for different folks.


Blogger nick said...

be grateful for the 1 X 3 tissue... however if i were u i'd stay clear of some dodgy foods...cause u may need more than 2ply when that time arises

5/02/2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/02/2005 5:33 PM  
Blogger nick said...

height of disgust by the way is ur finger pokin thru the tissue during a wipin moment...i suggest u boycott/strike till they think better

5/02/2005 6:49 PM  
Blogger aeoliano said...

Your holiness,

I see that there is still a severe shortage of paper in Italy. Thus the poor quality and quantity of bathroom tissue. Well, it is not like you haven't lived there for a number of years by now?

Ah, I do miss the amazing scents created by diesel fumes intermingled with ancient dust swirling off the ancient roman ruins.

5/02/2005 6:53 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

You just need a box of those personal wet wipes...with no alcohol in them of course.

5/02/2005 8:53 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Actually, you DON'T want to meet the man, and you certainly don't want to shake his hand. He's very dirty from using his own products- yuck.
Excommunicate him!

5/02/2005 9:36 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

Single ply is the devil's work. How in God's name (no offense your Excellency) did that get into the Holy See?

5/02/2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger John said...

I'm sorry to hear about your bathroom dilemma. If only you knew about this oversight prior to accepting the position. Have you thought about having the Vatican install a bidet? That could help ease your pain.

Bless yourself,

5/02/2005 11:18 PM  
Blogger Kaci said...

John. LOL bless yourself? Clever. Well, I hope that you as the pope will get your two ply. I figure since you're the pope why not just make them stock egyption cotton washclothes for you. Its not like YOU have to do the laundry.

5/02/2005 11:55 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Story with a spin. Quite charmin'.

Remind me when we meet next month NOT to be shakin' your hand.

Gotta scat.

5/03/2005 1:19 AM  
Blogger aeoliano said...

Ah yes, bidets. The solution to the paper shortage. Do you know how to use one your Holiness?

5/03/2005 2:46 AM  
Blogger Esther Kustanowitz said...

I have it on good authority that he who created one-ply toilet paper is actually going to hell. Is that true? I mean, I heard it on the streets of NYC, but you're like, the Pope and stuff, so thought I'd ask.

5/03/2005 5:14 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Ah...That old one vs two ply dilema..It can make you calculate, smerk, philosophisize, and in your case, pontificate!

5/04/2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger Whit said...

I never understood one-ply...if it was created in an effort to save paper, it was all for naught. Cause you use at least twice as much just trying to keep the distance, if you know what I mean.

But perhaps you should use this dilemma to extend grace to those stinky people you mention in another post...perhaps they can't help it because they, too, have access only to one-ply...and well, they are suffering the ill effects of it.

5/05/2005 5:14 AM  
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