Sunday, May 01, 2005

Trouble Sleeping

I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I guess I'm just not used to sleeping in my new pad. I turned on some Marvin Gaye music to hopefully ease me back into sleep, but even that didn’t work. I was shocked. I ended up turning on the television, but nothing was on. The Vatican Dish Network stinks. I ended watching some episodes of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” on DVD. Larry David is hilarious.

Yesterday afternoon, I walked through the streets of Rome. I saw a guy drinking a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. I felt really sad for him. It’s one thing to be poor, but it’s another to be downing a cheap beer at noon. I gave him some money so that could get a hearty ale or something. I told him to buy something with substance, like a Guinness or a Newcastle. He thanked me over and over again. I told him not to thank me, but to make sure he was in church on Sunday. He promised me that he would.

As I kept walking, I came across this poor man playing “Hotel California” on a panpipe. Can you believe that? A freakin' panpipe. Who plays that thing anymore? I really hate that song. I put a couple coins in his hat and told him that he would probably make more cash by playing better music.

I suggested Al Green’s “Here I Am (Come and Take Me).”


Anonymous Beer freak said...

Come on, there is no Pabst Blue Ribbon in Rome.

5/01/2005 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bavarians don`t drink that urgh stuff.

5/01/2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

You are such a benevolent soul Your Holy Seeness! Wouldnt a nice pint of Guiness or bottle of Newcastle make a nice change to Communion wine at Mass? Also, why dont you get some of these poor street musicians onto Vatican Radio? I notice they do a 'Music Through the Night' show. It might just be the break they need and might help sooth you through those sleepless nights? I agree though, no Hotel California!

5/01/2005 12:53 PM  
Blogger undergraduate said...

Your Eminence,
I read in the Saturday Mail(UK)that you're selling your old car, and I wondered why you don't keep it as a Pope-mobile?

Will you be giving the profits to the poor? (I don't mean by way of buying more overpriced trainers made by third world child slaves!)

It also says in the press that you can't drive and have always had a chauffeur, is this true?

5/01/2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father, Your kindness and generosity are overwhelming, and the fact that you considered that man's nutritional requirements by suggesting brings tears to my eyes. I really hope he shows up in church on Sunday, church always solves everything.

Your Servant,

5/01/2005 1:55 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping in your new crib. Between the uncomfy bed and the icy cold marble floors you have to step on in the night when that midnight terlit-run comes on, you must be ready to pull your miter off. Too bad you don't get Letterman on TV. He's always good for a late night chuckle. That nifty diastema of his helps a lot.
As to music, just don't listen to Peter Gabriel - it might make you sad.

5/01/2005 2:07 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

I am listening to Frank Siantra. At least he's from the old country.

BTW - I realize that you're still working out a routine in your new job. What are you gonna be doing on Sunday's? Take in a futbol match? Pub crawl? Maybe hit the beach (when the weather is good)?

5/01/2005 2:12 PM  
Anonymous Jimmy said...

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5/01/2005 2:30 PM  
Blogger pepseeh said...

Maybe tapes of John Paul II's speeches can help you sleep.

5/01/2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger nokas said...

yo! your popeness! i've got the solution for your problems. i read this post and start to's a list of the options you got:
- i can mail my notes from college to you (when i start to study, i always fell asleep ehehehe)
- listen to Madredeus, a portuguese group ;P
- drink milk and eat a cookie before bedtime
- eat sleeping pills
- if this doesn't work, i'll have my teacher visiting you, and perform a class about the quantic mechanic theory.

5/01/2005 3:43 PM  
Anonymous Bill and Bob said...

Are you having a problem with booze, pseudo pope? Try Alcoholics Anonymus!

5/02/2005 12:14 AM  
Blogger Ale said...

To help you sleep well every night, you should go out dancing at least ONCE a week. That would help to throw off your sleeping time table just enough to make you crash into bed by 10pm the rest of the week! I suggest finding a hot SAMBA place to jiggle your bum bum!!!

5/02/2005 12:23 AM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

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5/02/2005 2:57 AM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

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5/02/2005 2:58 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

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5/02/2005 3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5/02/2005 7:38 AM  
Anonymous The Lance Corporal said...

Your Holiness,

Your tales of benevolence vis-a-vis the poor remind me of a story regarding your predecessor.

A very poor but trustworthy priest from the third world made the pilgrimage to Rome to see the late Holy One. By dint of staying up all night he managed to get a place right outside the door of St Peter's where he knew the Pope would exit after mass that morning. Unfortunately when the Pope did exit, he passed right by our stolid priest, but turned to a filthy, urine-smelling, flea-ridden beggar standing nearby at the front of the crowd. The Pope put his arm's around the begar's shoulder and whispered a few words.

After the Pope had gone, the priest realised that if he wanted to greet the Pope personally he should dress up as a beggar. He offered his few last coins to the beggar in exhange for the stinking rags.

The next day after a second night of payer and vigil out in the open, the Priest is by the door of St. Peter. This time, sure enough, as the Pope exists he spots the Priest dressed in the beggar's rags.

The Pope puts his arm round the Priest's shoulders and whispers in his ear:-
"Yo....did n't I tell you to f**k off yesterday?"

Keep up the good work.

5/02/2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger Kaci said...

Change the communion wine to Hennesey. And change the communion wafers to Pringles. Then I might be tempted back into church.

5/02/2005 3:31 PM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

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5/02/2005 4:09 PM  
Blogger Cincy Diva said...

Be nice to Zamfir. The master of the panpipe has fallen on hard times since his Time Life cd's quit selling. Keep on Popin'

5/02/2005 4:20 PM  
Blogger aeoliano said...

No PBR in Rome? Why the devil himself drinks PBR as he likes to visit the deep south of the United States. Well, Peroni will do in a pinch. It would be the equivalent of PBR for Italy... except that I think its quality is far superior and it is quite a bit stronger...

5/02/2005 6:56 PM  
Blogger A.T. said...

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5/02/2005 11:50 PM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

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5/03/2005 12:03 AM  
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10/10/2005 2:37 AM  

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