Thursday, April 28, 2005

My Horrid Coat of Arms

Have you seen my new coat of arms? It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.


There’s an image of a bear with a red target on his back. Is that supposed to imply that I can’t hunt unless the animal has a target on its body. First off, I don’t hunt. Second of all, I don’t need a target if I’m going to shoot. It’s all very insulting.

At the bottom of the coat, there’s this ugly seashell, which matches the décor in my restroom. And, as I told you before, I loathe nautical themes.

And then there’s this image of an Ethiopian woman at the top left, which is supposed to promote diversity and tolerance.

I guess they’re trying to pull me away from my horrid Nazi Germany background. I like the attempt to break me away from my disturbing heritage, but this cheap, cartoonish figure of a black woman looks like something out of a Fat Albert comic. It’s totally racist. I might as well have a drunk KLAN member on my coat of arms, too. Give me a break!

The whole thing looks like something a clown should wear. I’m not freakin’ Cirque De Soli—I’m the Pope. I wish they would understand that.

I guess I’m more upset that nobody asked me about what I wanted. I’m the Pope, right? I should have some say in what my coat of arms looks like. I should also have a say on who designs it. I’d like to see what the FUBU design team or Sean Jean could do for me. I’d like to have a little “bling” in my coat of arms, if you don’t mind.


Blogger Kaci said...

I agree. You should have a new coat of arms. Be sure to get a full golden grill. Hell, you're the pope. Get a platinum grill with diamonds on each tooth.

4/28/2005 6:57 PM  
Blogger imagoner said...

I actually like the coat of arms. Too bad they didn't put a acctual picture of you on it, because you're pretty hot for a 78 year old. I know I'm young for you (well, you don't really know because I don't give you my age), but it's a shame popes can't marry because then we would rule the world together. I know, I know you don't have the lust for power like I do, but for me it's a nice thought.

Always Yours,
Queen O

4/28/2005 6:59 PM  
Blogger Pelty said...

You would think someone would check the Pope's spelling for him...

4/28/2005 9:10 PM  
Blogger Kaci said...

do you want to be the one to tell the Pope he can't spell?

4/28/2005 9:59 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Sorry for any missspellingsss. My mind is faster than my fingers.

4/29/2005 3:10 AM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4/29/2005 4:05 AM  
Blogger dAAve said...

I know a group of young boiz that can teach you how to spell. Want me to send 'em over?

4/29/2005 4:37 AM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Tito, I love the new coat of arms. Thank you. Thank you.

4/29/2005 5:34 AM  
Blogger imagoner said...

Tito--I'm very impressed by your coat of arms! You have captured the very essence of our holy Pope here. You will really be blessed now. You know I don't even have a coat of arms...

4/29/2005 6:25 PM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

yeah, I can't believe they didn't get your blessing before announcing it!

7/22/2005 6:02 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Green said...

How about dumping the bear for a Star of David?

11/27/2005 8:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your Popishness, it looks to mine eyes like a bodily reworking of tarot card 7 (the upmarket sort) ... Wouldn't you have preferred 5? or even 9? Also, the egregoric chain is not instantly recognisable. Sure this guy knew what he was about? It looks plain flippin painful to moi, but you know best. Somehow I would have expected more love then dancing bear in it, but I have to say it's very artistic. But then you are very gifted and very artistic. Non illegitimi carborandum! Sophie

4/28/2007 11:28 PM  
Anonymous Sven said...

Good Job! :)

7/03/2008 9:28 AM  

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