Monday, April 25, 2005

Everyone isn’t replaceable.

People ask me all the time what it’s like being the new pope. I tell them that it’s like any other new job, except I can’t retire or be fired at this one. And not only that, but I’m practically guaranteed to go to heaven when I die. So that’s a bonus.

The Vatican is not a terrible place to live either. The only down part is that I have to wear socks at night. The floor can get quite cold, which makes my nightly trips to the restroom a little discouraging.


Blogger Cherry Mary said...

I have that problem myself your holiness, you should get yourself a pair of ug boots. Apart from being practical they are also considered quite fashionable and could give you a certain edge. Don't be afraid to wear them in public either, Pamela Anderson does. I recommend beige - the denim jeans of ug boots.

4/25/2005 3:55 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

I always thougth Ugg boots made a guy look feminine--not that there's anything wrong with that. I just think I should look more regal and down to earth. I want to look approachable and yet not approachable.

What about Birkenstocks?

4/25/2005 4:10 PM  
Blogger Nihilus said...

yo pope man, I'd like to ass u some questions, now can I?

4/25/2005 4:22 PM  
Blogger Cherry Mary said...

I'm not sure if Birkenstocks have the fluffy appeal of uggies....although you could possibly solve this problem by lining a pair with a soft fur of your choice. This could give your footwear a subtle elegance on the inside, yet outwardly present somewhat of a 'common touch' that is sure to go down well with the masses.

By the way, this is not a criticism, just a really should try and do something about your posture.

4/25/2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger 19810716 said...

Can you speak Chinese?

4/25/2005 5:00 PM  
Blogger k said...

how about those colourful slippers from china? Blue is masculine and yet they would still be pretty.
Is there a lot of marble in your bedroom? Did you take Pope John Paul II's old room, or do you get a new one?

4/25/2005 5:08 PM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

I can only speak Chinese when ordering food.

4/25/2005 5:11 PM  
Blogger DP. said...

Get yourself a nice pair of gloves and start practising your handstands.

4/25/2005 5:26 PM  
Blogger Mateo said...

Hey pope. Not to downplay the Ugg boots or socks idea... but perhaps a nice throw rug would do the trick? That way you can stay barefoot... I know how you love to show off your pedicure. Plus, word on the street is that airing out your feet is the best way to combat nasty germs and athlete's foot. As holy as it is, the Vatican has to be a hotbed for germs. Yuck.

4/25/2005 6:51 PM  
Blogger Everything that comes into my head said...

Drop the act

4/25/2005 7:37 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

Holy F.......ather, the pope has a blog! Anyway, how about a new hat, Your Holiness? Something with a brim maybe, to shade your eyes from the glare of the bling?

BTW since you've taken up your new hobby I wondered if you have any plans for a Patron Saint of Blogging?

4/25/2005 10:39 PM  
Blogger Scott W said...

Oh yes, area rugs would definitely take care of your cold tootsies, plus they make for good traction when you gotta get to the john fast! I have a great connection to custom made rugs and you can even choose your own designs. I have linked you and hope you will bless my humble blog.

4/25/2005 10:50 PM  
Anonymous liebjef said...

I may convert after reading your blog. Put Jesus First!

4/26/2005 12:07 AM  
Blogger Ms. Pickle said...

I have to admit i do hate cold feet. It causes so many bad things. If I were pope that would be the firsst thing i'd do... install heaters in all the vaticans rooms. Cold feet can cause the common cold leading to the flu leading to hypothermia and eventually leading to death!! I guess you dont have to worry bout that tho since like you said you are garunteed to go to heaven anyways. ;)

4/26/2005 3:26 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Silly me. I thought some of your faithful man-servants at the vat would be willing to carry his holiness to the john in the middle of the night. Ya learn something new everyday.

4/26/2005 11:54 AM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

Area rugs are a great idea. I'm thinking about getting some shag carpet. I love wiggling my toes in shag carpet. It's a great stress reliever.

4/26/2005 4:05 PM  
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10/23/2005 9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must know Saint Barbara. She wears socks to bed. Her request, "Don't hurt me or abuse me." She is the most gorgeous woman but sick of this cat service to you catholics. Divine love requested.

4/29/2006 12:06 AM  

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