Thursday, May 05, 2005

Cleanliness isn’t next to Godliness, but it helps.

I have a very sensitive nose and it’s difficult for me to bless people who smell, particularly those less fortunate souls who live in impoverished areas.

The terrible part is that it’s often the people that smell that need my blessing the most. You know? I’m talking about the poor people with very little running water and food. So, what’s a Pope to do?

I had to reject several Vatican hobos yesterday because they smelled.

And this doesn’t mean that I’ll bless every clean person that comes my way either. For example, I wouldn’t bless Ashley Simpson because I don’t like her music. She might smell nice, but that doesn’t matter. Her music stinks. It really stinks.


Blogger dayna said...

Oh my god (no offense mr. pope) this has been by far the funniest thing I've read today.

5/05/2005 3:49 AM  
Blogger Whit said...

Isn't there a handbook or something to help you out? I mean it would seem that your predecessors would have started cataloging all these problems and how they dealt with them. I suggest that you go to the Vatican Library and start randomly pulling books to see if it opens up any secret passageway or something and see if the Popes who have gone before you may have put all the answers to these troubling questions somewhere for safe keeping. Or better yet...try the Louvre...the Mona Lisa... I bet the answer is somewhere in the art!

5/05/2005 3:59 AM  
Blogger FB said...

Hey your a great Pope after all. Whoever said you were a Nazi never read your Blog. Funny, touching, honest and with a hint of humor... Perfection!!!!!
I'll add you to my blog roll and tell everyone about you. Love the Blog.

Kiss The Ring

5/05/2005 4:01 AM  
Blogger dddragon said...

Can't you have the Cardinals wash the smelly before they get within nose-distance of you? After all, it's good for them to do humbling work, isn't it?

5/05/2005 4:15 AM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

A true moral and perhaps religious dilemna indeed. On the one hand, tolerance, respect, and acceptence of all are required of a man of your stature and position. On the other hand, the nose is a sensitive organ (no pun intended...although the papal scandals surely have directed you towards these organs as well.)

Since you are in charge now, you can bless whomever you please! Now that is power.

5/05/2005 4:46 AM  
Anonymous chris said...

I like your style. This is how a revolution begins. Follow your nose, dude. And for people like Ashley Simpson, your ears.

Too bad only one person in the whole world gets to be Pope at a time. Since it can't be me, I'm glad it's you.

Keep Pope alive.

5/05/2005 5:13 AM  
Blogger Jude said...

Pope, many people of different nationalities and social stature can in fact have offensive bodily odors. I think this is why JP2 had his possie swinging them smoking balls of incense around people when he was working the crowds. Maybe if they have a Wildberries store at the Vatican Mall you should shop around for some good incense. I kind of like the vanilla almond.

iniard watch

5/05/2005 5:22 AM  
Blogger Amandla said...


5/05/2005 6:56 AM  
Blogger Jay Six said...

Would you bless Joni Mitchell? Her music's much better than Ashley Simpson's and she doesn't smell.

5/05/2005 7:14 AM  
Blogger she who remembers said...

Hi...thanks for the comment. :-)

5/05/2005 8:17 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I smell very good every day. My blog smells good too. Come smell it and see if we're worthy of your blessing. Maybe the hobos could bathe in holy water before coming before you for a blessing. A nice rose scented sprtiz wouldn't hurt either, compliments of your holiness.

5/05/2005 8:41 AM  
Blogger akiey said...

How about you suggest 3 fragrances. One each for men, women & kids then have 12 of your chosen assistants, Axle Rose included, wait by the Vatican gates & POW!!! Hit the visitors with the scented waters?
Or you could have them all play with scented waterguns for that all day freshness??

5/05/2005 11:04 AM  
Blogger GroovyVic said...

Bless you, Holy Father. You sound like my kind of guy! Does it matter that I'm a Protestant? I've got German blood in me, does that help?

Father, you are one literate and observant man, a human being above everything. Keep up these great posts!

5/05/2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

Another good reason not to bless Ashley Simpson, she is a Baptist.

5/05/2005 12:39 PM  
Blogger Leslie F. Miller said...

My crab may look scary, but at least it doesn't smell.

5/05/2005 12:48 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Dear Holy Father,
I agree. Smelly people are offensive. The only thing is, I wonder if Jesus' feet smelled really bad. Maybe that's why that prostitute stopped to wash them for him. Ya never know. Or do you?

5/05/2005 2:09 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,

Perhaps this would allow you the perfect opportunity to get rid of the nautical themed soaps in your bathroom. Have the cardinals pass them out to the unwashed masses, then you could invite them all to a washed mass.

Your Servant,

5/05/2005 2:21 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

This was great - It made my day to learn that Ashlee Simpson wouldn't be blessed!!

5/05/2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/05/2005 5:02 PM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...


5/05/2005 6:45 PM  
Blogger A Little Bar of Soap said...

Cleanliness IS SO next to Godliness! This is why I'm a Protestant!

6/09/2005 8:11 AM  

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