Friday, August 12, 2005

The Pope John Paul Movie

The Hallmark channel will feature a film about the life of Pope John Paul. It’s going to be premiering on Monday night, so if you’re one of the ten people that actually watch the Hallmark channel, you’re in for a real treat.

As you can imagine, I’m pretty upset about this broadcast. Why did it have to premier on the Hallmark channel? Nobody even watches that channel. It’s the only cable channel that dares list Walker Texas Ranger, Matlock, and Dr. Quinn Medicine woman on its weekly programming lineup. I’d rather be watching CSPAN.

To be totally honest, I’m mostly upset because this premier doesn’t give me much hope. If J.P. can only get a Monday night movie on the Hallmark Channel, what am I going to get? At this rate, I’ll be lucky to even get a direct-to-video distribution deal.

You can’t imagine what this is doing to my self-confidence right now.


Blogger jamwall said...

don't feel so down your holiness. i say hire david mamet to write the script about your papacy. put some attitude into your story. guranteed to make it to the theaters!

8/12/2005 4:54 AM  
Blogger Annie said...

Guess you'd better work some sex and violence into your life somehow. That'd be ratings gold!

8/12/2005 5:46 AM  
Blogger Rob Seifert said...

Well your holiness, best start thinking about your legacy, you're not getting any younger. I'm thinking maybe David Lynch would be more down your alley. Certainly the blog should give you an added measure of papal rememberence.


8/12/2005 7:51 AM  
Anonymous Georg said...

Well. Marilyn Monroe is more attractive than you.

8/12/2005 11:27 AM  
Blogger jamwall said...

how about a quentin tarantino version of a pope movie!?

8/12/2005 2:36 PM  
Blogger Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Ouch, up against Monday Night Football. Even in preseason, it's a rough time slot.

8/12/2005 2:57 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Your Holiness,

You need sex, mystery, and drama in your life. That's the way to a good time-slot.

Keep in mind that bisexuality doubles your chances for both sex and drama. Maybe even mystery, who knows? Just a suggestion.

8/12/2005 3:53 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Your Holiness

I feel your pain. Really, I do.
Perhaps you could do some cameo spots on The Weather Channel in preparation for your post-death remembrance.
Nothing like a good hurricane in The Vatican.

yours in service

8/12/2005 4:43 PM  
Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

Tan Lucy Pez is right on. Get with the program, your Holiness. I think that A&E is the channel for you.

8/12/2005 5:41 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Green said...

Try starting a scandal. If you do that, Michael Moore will make a movie about you that will get in theatres. Try drinking to excess, taking off your pope clothing and running naked through St. Peter's Square; then pretend you are one of the Swiss Guard; getting naked under a table with a waitress might help, too. It worked for Ted Kennedy. Also, don't forget to embezzle some money. That's always good for a big scandal.

Another thing to remember is that John Paul II had a TV personality. You just look like an old German man without much TV presence. Try hiring a publicist. A personal trainer wouldn't hurt, either.

8/12/2005 7:42 PM  
Blogger Grace said...

Why not do a Holy Big Brother show? Or rather Big Father? Yourself, a few cardinals and nuns of course? You'd have landslide viewing figures and just think what you could do with the prize money? A new printer for sure!

8/12/2005 8:09 PM  
Anonymous mike said...

I love your site.

8/13/2005 3:01 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I think you need a better PR person. Have you ever thought about starring in a weekly TV series? Perhaps you could solve mysteries, like Columbo does.

8/13/2005 1:58 PM  
Blogger A Little Bar of Soap said...

Vanity is a sin! Devil, get thee OUT!

8/13/2005 5:35 PM  
Blogger Dew said...

I just knew that Your Holiness was a bigger man; look how accommodating you were to the young actor, and it has, of course, caught the press's attention. Good job, Your Popeness.;_ylt=AhPLGPlQjejP28TgOC53ZT5xFb8C;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl

8/14/2005 7:04 AM  
Blogger Mr. Cougar said...

I'm sure you'll be able to get a cinema megaproduction... don't worry, Pope.

8/20/2005 3:53 AM  

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