Inside the Actor's Studio
In an upcoming episode of “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” you’ll find me getting interviewed by James Lipton. I’m not an actor in the theatrical sense, but I am a public figure that must put on a smile and act happy most of the time. My agent also thought it might be a good idea to appear on the show to give people a glimpse into my personal life.
I’m not allowed to release the transcript of the entire show until after it airs on Bravo, but I am allowed to release my answers to his typical 10 last questions:
What is your favorite word?
Well, it’s actually two words: “Your Holiness.” I love it when people call me that.
What is your least favorite word?
What turns you on, excites you, inspires you - physically, creatively, spiritually?
What turns you off?
When vending machines refuse my wrinkled dollar bills.
What sound do you love?
I love listening to vending machines accepting my money. I also love listening to the metal coils as they turn to release my food.
What sound do you hate?
I hate the sound when the vending machine drops my food into the metal tray below. I’m afraid my food might get damaged during the fall.
What is your favorite curse word?
What profession, other than yours, would you like to try?
I guess if I had to choose another profession, than I’d probably want to be God. That is the next job above me, isn’t it? I guess it might be fun to be God for one day. I probably couldn’t just jump into the job right away. I’d probably need some training—even though I am the most qualified human on earth. I suppose I’d probably choose a Sabbath day as my first day on the job, so I wouldn’t have to do much.
What profession would you least like to try?
I’d hate to give people pedicures. I refuse to touch people’s dirty feet. Why can’t people just take care of their own feet? Why does someone have to clean another person’s toenails and scrape away their calluses? It grosses me out.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
Well, it does exist. And when I do enter heaven—which is probably pretty soon—I imagine God would apologize to me for giving me dandruff, an oily complexion, and big pores.