Friday, June 17, 2005

Need a Miracle

Not only am I working hard to be a good Pope, but I’m also trying to secure my sainthood by performing a miracle.

This can be especially difficult when almost all my time is swallowed up with meetings and/or prayers. You should see my Outlook calendar; it’s completely filled up.

The Bible says, “There is no rest for the wicked (Isaiah 57:21),” but I’d also like to add, “There is no rest for the holy, either.”

I’m constantly busy, and I don’t even look forward to weekends anymore. And, as Debbie Deb says, “weekends were made for fun.”

I really should have taken a look at the job description before taking this job.

Anyway, I need you to help me think of a miracle to perform. I want to do something unique.


Blogger courtney said...

you could make extremely obese persons a healthy weight

6/17/2005 11:11 PM  
Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,

I appreciate your dilemma. Most of the truly good miracles have been taken. Perhaps you could combine your love for vending machine food with your miracle? If you bless certain machines perhaps you could make them produce an endless supply of treats, free of charge. You could place a machine in famine stricken areas, thereby eliminating hunger!

Your Servant,

6/17/2005 11:35 PM  
Anonymous Georg from Bavaria said...

It is a miracle that you are still alive.

6/18/2005 12:02 AM  
Anonymous -Deacon said...

Holiness, may I suggest you free Katie Holmes from the clutches of scientology and tom cruise! That would be a miracle worth doing..

6/18/2005 1:03 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

You could obtain a restraining order against intrusive guardian angels.
Save someone who doesn't even wear Prada.
Come up with a really nice outfit to wear to a maiming.

6/18/2005 1:59 AM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Your Holiness

First of all, it's a miracle you haven't been caught with your pants down (yet).

It's a miracle you haven't blown the engine in your Escalade, what with the lead doors and bullet-proof glass adding all that weight.

Leae well enough alone.

yours in service

6/18/2005 2:32 AM  
Blogger dddragon said...

How 'bout fixing Michael Jackson's face for good?

6/18/2005 3:25 AM  
Blogger AP3 said...

Perhaps a really good card trick?

6/18/2005 4:15 AM  
Blogger jevanking™ said...

I've got a miracle for you: make the people that come into my restaurant treat me with respect rather than as a servant.

6/18/2005 6:09 AM  
Blogger noonehome said...

How about sending some readers over to our team blog "Life in the nUthouse"

.... now that would be a miracle LOL

6/18/2005 7:22 AM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

Holy Father, your miracle should be giving Bush a brain.

Or legalize weed. whichever you find to require less effort.

6/18/2005 7:57 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

In light of the above comment, I look forward to the legalization of weed.

6/18/2005 11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Use Miracle whip

6/18/2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger Åñèè§å said...

How about making all the countries of the world 1 big country or 1 mass of land...that way when loved ones go away we wno't have to worry about how we'll see them or if we need a visa to see them etc.....I think you should make that ur miracle that way everyone is happy....

6/18/2005 10:57 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Factor in your failing health and old age, and pity is the norm rather than the extreme!

6/19/2005 5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogging as anonymous for fear of persocution and hate posts on my other blog...
Heres what u do: read the book Eutopia, make the whole world exactly like that. And ur set. I can't rememer exactly but I think maybe everyoenes athiest in Eutopia, so i guess u'd be out of a job. But whatever, peace.

6/19/2005 6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saddam has recently requested that his trial be moved to California. Wonder why...

6/19/2005 6:28 AM  
Blogger Thister said...

Indeed, all the good miracles have already been taken.

Hmm. I don't know what to tell you.

6/20/2005 5:18 PM  
Anonymous C.T. said...

How about offing Ashlee Simpson?

Pretty please??????????

6/20/2005 5:27 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I think all the miracles mentioned in here are too big for starter miracles.

I recommend you start small, and then build up.

Some people would consider it a miracle if you'd sell even a fraction of your hoard at the Vatican to help the poor and needy. It might be a start...

6/26/2005 3:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could make everyone an equal on the planet by erasing everyones credit files. OR . You could make all the Earths oil dry out so we wont have to fight anymore wars.


12/29/2005 10:29 PM  
Blogger barbie2be said...

miracles don't count toward sainthood until AFTER you are dead.

12/29/2005 11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could convince the USA to make a law forcing everyone to go to church on Sunday so that we can all have rest and family time. In doing this the whole world will come to peace. Isn't that what you want to hear???

8/29/2006 8:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could use a miracle . i really want to go to brooks instute of photography but it would take a miracle for me to afford it . it would be a dream come true

1/05/2007 4:20 AM  

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