Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Concerning Limbo

Limbo for Dummies

The Church has long taught that infants dying prior to baptism go to limbo: a place that is neither heaven nor hell. I’ve been asked to update this doctrine and enlighten others on its meaning.

“Limbo” is a somewhat antiquated term, and difficult to comprehend. Let me try and explain this spiritual concept in earthly terms: if the beaches in Hawaii are considered heaven, and the deserts of Libya are considered hell, then limbo is a place like Liechtenstein.

Nobody knows much about Liechtenstein (or Limbo), but we know that it’s located somewhere in Europe. We also know that once people go there, they can’t get out. This is just like Limbo--except with spiritual babies floating around.

Since I’ve been asked to update this doctrine, I’ve decided that Limbo will now include—not only infants that die before baptism—but also all the musicians that only had one hit song (e.g. Frank Stallone, Soft Cell, and Sir Mix-A-Lot). Since a one hit song doesn’t merit heaven, it certainly doesn’t merit hell either. I figure Limbo is the proper place for them.

I will make an exception for Devo. Those guys are going to heaven.

9 Comments:

Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Huh. Okay, so Devo is going to heaven. Well, what about groups that did disco? They had more than one hit. I think they should go to hell.

It just occurred to me: You probably know where Elvis is right now. Will you tell?

12/01/2005 5:02 AM  
Blogger Pope Benedict XVI said...

I can't say for sure, but I believe Elvis is hanging out with Johnny Cash in Hawaii. Let me get back to you on that.

12/01/2005 6:06 AM  
Blogger Quentin X said...

Yeah, but Soft Cell had more than one hit in the UK. Or is that considered a living limbo?

12/01/2005 3:18 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Thanks for the great explanation - Now I finally understand!
Good new rule. I'm on board with it.

12/01/2005 10:44 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I agree with you entirely about this, Your Holiness.

12/02/2005 5:55 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

I posted on this on my blog and now have linked it here - this is the divine explanation my readers have been looking for.

12/03/2005 8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are absolutly NO scriptures that support Limbo OR pergatory....
Read your bibles..

6/20/2006 6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who came up with the idea that babies don't go to heaven. They have done nothing wrong. No baby has ever done anything wrong enough to go to hell.

4/21/2007 8:55 PM  
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10/21/2009 8:20 AM  

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