Concerning Limbo

The Church has long taught that infants dying prior to baptism go to limbo: a place that is neither heaven nor hell. I’ve been asked to update this doctrine and enlighten others on its meaning.

“Limbo” is a somewhat antiquated term, and difficult to comprehend. Let me try and explain this spiritual concept in earthly terms: if the beaches in Hawaii are considered heaven, and the deserts of Libya are considered hell, then limbo is a place like Liechtenstein.

Nobody knows much about Liechtenstein (or Limbo), but we know that it’s located somewhere in Europe. We also know that once people go there, they can’t get out. This is just like Limbo--except with spiritual babies floating around.

Since I’ve been asked to update this doctrine, I’ve decided that Limbo will now include—not only infants that die before baptism—but also all the musicians that only had one hit song (e.g. Frank Stallone, Soft Cell, and Sir Mix-A-Lot). Since a one hit song doesn’t merit heaven, it certainly doesn’t merit hell either. I figure Limbo is the proper place for them.

I will make an exception for Devo. Those guys are going to heaven.