I just learned that my portrait hasn’t been selling well. This is very disappointing.
What's wrong with it? Is it my smile? Is it the way the picture is cropped? Do you think I need to lose some more weight? Should my hands be in a different position?
To hopefully increase sales, Ignatius Press decided to put my picture on sale for $42.45.
If we don't get some more sales out of this, I'm going to be deeply hurt. I feel very insulted right now.
Maybe you should show a little skin!
ReplyDeletehow about buy one, get one free
ReplyDeleteYes, but, your Holiness, your books are selling like hotcakes.
ReplyDeleteIs it a sin if I need to remove my John Paul II portrait in order to have room to put yours up? (I try to lead a modest life)
ReplyDeleteBlame the invisible hand of the free market. There are quite a few photos of Your Holiness at good prices on eBay, and some nifty Papal string party lights going for $8.00.
ReplyDeletePlus there is way too much white in the picture. Try a dash of color!
I must say, that's one of your better pictures, your Holiness. You look kinda cute. But I also agree with Martin Luther, perhaps showing a bit of skin may help?
ReplyDeleteYour Holiness
ReplyDeleteYour flock above offer fine suggestions. Maybe you should try listening to the flock instead of the mp3 player in your Escalade.
yours in service
HP
Dear Mr. Pope,
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should try appealing to and connecting with your younger flock. How about some 'dope'flashing of gansta signs? Barring that you could be shown holding a Snickers Bar to appeal to the alter boys. I'm an idea kinda gal.
You keep wearing that same dress. We've already seen you in it here, there, and everywhere. That's the problem. Hey! You got a whole page in Newsweek this week. I think they sort of like you. Go you!
ReplyDeleteYour Holiness,
ReplyDeleteI think I see the problem: that picture looks just like you. Try another face. You must have two. Right?
Your holiness, you look better in red. Witness your blog picture in the red and gold. A little more contrast with your hair. Goes better with most people's decor.
ReplyDeleteDo what the supermodels do: Have someone airbrush it up a bit...
ReplyDeleteI think you look just fine. The only things I would change is I'd have you giving the peace sign and tuck your ears back a bit.
ReplyDeleteYou're a real looker! Don't you forget it!
Dear Mr. Pope,
ReplyDeleteI think you should try different backgrounds for your pictures. Like at the beach, a pool hall, Bavarian mountains, a cattery...whatever. The point is you have to appeal to your target audience. Ask your photographer. I'm sure he knows of these things.
Yours,
garden kitty
You are young, you are beautiful an you are mine.
ReplyDeleteSome would ask, "What would Mr. Baldo do?"
ReplyDeleteWhat would I do?
I'd shine my Bald. With my wax. A free "WWMBD" bracelet with every container.
Now with Phlogiston®!!
Baldo's Shiny Wax™ for Balds. Available at your friendly neighborhood drugstore.
i want one of those bracelets...
ReplyDeleteyou should do a timeless art of seduction pose
ReplyDeleteI dunno Joey. It almost seems like you have a look on your face that reflects altar-boys gone wild or somethin. I hope that's not it but just sayin.
ReplyDelete