Thursday, May 12, 2005

TSAR WARS

With the growing excitement about the new Star Wars movie, I think it’s time for me to get into the action by developing my own video game based on the movie.

I’m going to call it “TSAR WARS” and it would feature me as a crime-fighting Pope that can travel through the world and time to fight and destroy evil dictators.

In the game, I’d be able to travel through time and kill off people like Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Lenin, Pol Pot, and the Sith. I might also want to get rid of Galileo because he caused the Church some problems, too.

My goal would be to create peace and harmony in the world.

My weapons would include boiling holy water, an iron Bible with spikes, and an ability to cause people to fall asleep through readings of my catechism. I need to set a meeting with PlayStation.

45 Comments:

Blogger GodlessMom said...

Most Holy Father,

Brilliant idea! And you should definitely take out Galileo, I mean you can't take out the Sith and leave Galileo. It's a no-brainer.

Your Servant,
GodlessMom

5/12/2005 4:10 PM  
Blogger Allen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/12/2005 4:11 PM  
Blogger Tony Tornado said...

I'm sure it would be a huge success!

Thanks for the visit!

5/12/2005 4:14 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

An idea of staggering dimension.

Might you want to test it out on our own political administration here in the United States? It would definitely give you the attention you desire, and us the reprive we deserve!

5/12/2005 4:25 PM  
Blogger admin said...

Barbara, you continue to amaze me. Let me talk with the Execs at PlayStation and get their thoughts.

5/12/2005 4:30 PM  
Blogger Lila said...

Good luck with the peace and harmony, yo!

5/12/2005 4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds like a great idea! Good luck with this project and be sure to post when the game is available in stores.

5/12/2005 5:02 PM  
Blogger Louise said...

Sounds good. Maybe you could dust down the old pope mobile and have a Pod-racer style level.

5/12/2005 5:25 PM  
Blogger TLP said...

Peace and harmony achieved through spiked bibles and boiling holy water! Genius! Pure genius.

Killing people for the lord isn't new of course, but this crusade of yours is fresh.

5/12/2005 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would kill them with Kindness! That is a really powerful weapon. Are you really the pope?

5/12/2005 5:45 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

You really DO continue to amaze me, Your Holiness. But I guess that is why you're the Pope, and W ain't.

5/12/2005 6:05 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

THAT's AWESOME Papa JR!
i think you should have a sexy blonde sidekick --
hmm, interesting that you included Lenin... you have a special aversion to communism i see--

5/12/2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger dddragon said...

Would the apostles be your sidekicks? Or some of the saints or angels? Maybe Matt Damon could be the model for a Loki-type character ("Dogma").

And I can see the ol' popemobile a la batmobile, all decked out with special options ... shooting rosaries out the back, giving the road a covering of holy water, a Horn that can knock down buildings ...

5/12/2005 7:06 PM  
Blogger lori said...

we're most popeful in canada that would be a most popeular new video game...

5/12/2005 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While you're at it, could you just off Ashlee Simpson for fun?

Thanks in advance.

5/12/2005 7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the...?!! Hey! Corrupting the minds of the yoofs thru pop culture is MY domain popey!
DO NOT forget our prior agreement or my creepy minions (lawyers) will be paying yours a visit.

5/12/2005 8:33 PM  
Blogger TLP said...

Please Your Holiness, don't be concerned about threats from Lord Lucifer. No one can harm you except God himself/herself.

Well, I guess Jesus could too, but he's into turning the other cheek, whereas God can be quite vengeful. But not to worry. God picked you to be the Pope, and you can't have done anything to displease him/her this early in your Pope-tum.

5/12/2005 8:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tan Lucy Pez why did you put God himself/herself? In the bible it says God gave His only Son to die on the cross for our sins. HIS ONLY SON!!! How special is that?

5/13/2005 12:01 AM  
Blogger Rosalina Kay said...

Personally I really rather dont like star wars. I know, I am weird right? A lot of my class mates at high school say I am, cuz I dont like star wars. I just dont see whats so facinating about it.

However, If you did something like X-men, I would get it. I LOVE THE X-MEN! Especialy wolverine, he is cool!

5/13/2005 12:56 AM  
Blogger bschneider5 said...

With the wave of a Pope ring, you spawn dozens of small altar boys wearing their tighty whiteys and help you fight crime and do other worldly favors. Bradsblog

5/13/2005 1:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your holiness,
don't forget your other mighty weapons:
death by incense asphyxiation
head injury with holy scepter
strangulation by rosary.....

5/13/2005 3:33 AM  
Blogger admin said...

You all have such wonderful ideas. I can't imagine they'll turn me down now.

5/13/2005 3:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or a beating with the cross.
I imagine being nailed to it is not pc

5/13/2005 4:40 AM  
Blogger Scott W said...

Tonight's dinner consisted of medium rare NY strip steak, scalloped potatoes and fresh sweet green peas with sauteed mushrooms. I'll bring along my personal chef if we get that invite to the Vatican. Deal?

5/13/2005 5:25 AM  
Blogger admin said...

Scott, you're invited anytime.

5/13/2005 6:31 AM  
Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

You're just stealing ideas from South Park!

5/13/2005 7:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 7:35 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Time for everyone to be jealous, even envious. My family is going to see the new Star Wars movie TOMORROW night! Yes, Friday, the 13th. A sneek preview. Hooray!! My daughter will blog about it all after we get back:

http://cmarie88.blogspot.com


You should include poisoned Pinot in your weapons.

5/13/2005 8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ho Pope,

Why stay in modern times? You could do something along the lines of Command and Conquer and re-live all the old battles - Derry,
Aughrim, Enniskillen and the Boyne. Defeat Protestantism in one fell swoop, get Luther, Calvin, Knox, Pastor Jack Glass, Ulrich the Z, not to mention King Billy himself, and put them all to death.

Codemasters (Genius atPlay) might let you name the game "Worms:the Die-it"

5/13/2005 11:41 AM  
Blogger vipul said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 1:23 PM  
Blogger Dhruv Raj said...

y do u think hitler was like that doug??....because he wanted to be so or his upbringing was such...he never got to noe the value of a life and therby treated everyone about him as his enemy and was on the constant move to take revenge against the world and yes if the pope comes here please tell him to temme sumthing about frndhsip and how to NOT break it because im at such a stage where all advice is welcome!

5/13/2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger Dhruv Raj said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/13/2005 2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Luther was a great man! I don't know why you would want to kill him!

5/13/2005 3:03 PM  
Blogger Dhruv Raj said...

i forgot to add this if galileo had not been there we would have never been able to solve the mysterious of outer space and would have remained as ignorant of space as we are of pollution these days...also, could u tell me y there are no women in the the papal heirarchy...i am extremely against the church against many of its ideas, i study in tenth grade and have got to know this much thro my history teacher and therby wanted to know why in an age of liberalisation and globalisation there has been no advancement in the church's character towards advancement and freedom of the people!!!!!

5/13/2005 3:06 PM  
Blogger vipul said...

doug r u a jewish coz i think u r

btw wat abt america in japan wat abt everythin in wwI where nobody is blamed if u idolise sum body dat doesnt mn dat u like everythin in dat person bt sum qualities dat r rare in oders....

hitler fullfilled his dream 2 lead so many ppl he ceratinly must have had had leaderships qualities which i bet u dont have

he let his ppl in belivin dat dey cud conquer dey cud conquer da wrld n dey tried n alomst did dat ......

5/13/2005 3:07 PM  
Blogger Dhruv Raj said...

thats what i wanna say as well, people who attacked the world did not do so without any rhyme or reason, but with a powerful objective and only the one with the drive and determination to complete it cld ever achieve wat hitler did!!!

5/13/2005 3:10 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

48 comments must be a record! It is so good to see that the Catholic church has not lost its appeal nor fallen out of favor with all the recent scandals over the past few years.

It must be your reasuring presence, Pope Joe!

Three Cheers.

5/13/2005 3:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Doug:

Keep in mind that vipul is only 14 years old, from India, and not able to speak English very well.

5/13/2005 3:17 PM  
Blogger vipul said...

poor chap doug is a 35 yr old american my foot of rhode island who has no other thing to do than post commemts and this shows that you are unemployed poor chap.....and yea how did you know that i cant speak english very well and for info. am typing not writing by the way if you have forgotten america is the rudest country in this world n yes i know more about the second world war than you can ever imagine....

bet you voted for John kerry coz for me you are also a loser like him....


and your holiness i would be happy beyond imagination if you could please tell me your views n one thing more it would be nice if you could tell me what does your daily routine seem like...

5/13/2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger admin said...

Vipul,

Good question. Let me blog about that. I need to get back to work. My computer is having some problems. The Vatican I.T. crew is not very helpful.

5/13/2005 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your holiness,

It sounds an awful lot like an old cartoon by Hanna-Barbera called "Super President". The president, with
the help of his loyal chief of staff, would head for secret subfloors of the white house to his special jet whenever trouble appeared that was too difficult for the normal authoriites to handle.

Looked and sounded an awful lot like "Space Ghost", Birdman and of course, Scott McCloud the EBI's "Space Angel" from Cambria studios here in sunny CA.

Which reminds me, you should start a new late night show on the EWRT network... "The Pope Coast to Coast".
Whaddya think?

5/14/2005 2:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the guy who writes this blog is very intelligent: not as intelligent as our lovely new Pope but... you know how to make people laugh. Are you a professional comedian?
I have to say though, with this one you are a bit wide of the mark. The REAL Pope Benedict XVI would never advocate what you're suggesting. I think one thing we've learnt is that peace and harmony don't happen through bashing people over the head. A truly intelligent and truly gentle man like Papa Ratzi can see that. Doug, no one is forcing their views on you. Even with evangelisation there is the free will to refuse that God gave everyone.

5/14/2005 8:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GO BUSH!!! BOO KERRY!

5/14/2005 3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it wasn't the same anonymous, thanks.

5/20/2005 7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOOHOO!! I'm with you other anonymous, GO BUSH, BOO KERRY!!!

9/10/2005 3:16 PM  

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